Tag Archives: Australia

Australia MUST Lose


There is a potential conflict ahead.

Between Australia’s long-term ally and its new-found giant trading partner.

Hundreds of ships ply the seas between Chinese ports and Australian mining ports passing newly created islands in the South China Sea. Darwin is hosting a newly enlarged US Marine base, along with other US bases within this island nation. The potential for spill-over of any conflict, verbal or actual, between the fading old and the growing new Superpowers must involve Australia.

We are too small to ignore the demands of the US. Yet we are too important a supplier of raw materials to China for them to allow us to become simply a US base in a potentially “hot” conflict.

Put into this context announcements by President Obama in 2011 have an ominous import for Australia. The urgency in pushing for the American Multinational-favouring Trans Pacific Partnership is a last ditch effort for the owners of the “Free World” to keep their position.

China, on the other hand, is looking outwards for the first time since the mid 15th Century. It has finally shrugged off the shackles imposed by the Confucian bureaucrats and discovered, as it did back in 200BC, that there is a whole world out there waiting to be plundered for the benefit of the Chinese Ruling Class.

Where does Australia fit into this game of Chinese Checkers?

In the game of chess there is a situation known as Zugzwang. A player whose turn it is to move who has no move that does not worsen his position is said to be in zugzwang.

Australia’s foreign Affairs Department has successfully negotiated us into Zugzwang. We must make a move and whatever move we make, we must lose!

Sign the TPP and tie ourselves to the USA or continue trade with China.

The USA is here, sitting comfortably on our Nation’s land. With all the machinery of war which they so revere and so love using.

China wants our natural resources to build their own nation. Yes, they can go to Brazil and pick up huge amounts of iron ore but guess which other country is also close to Brazil. So building new islands to extend their borders has two benefits. An extension of their seabed and access to more hydrocarbons.But we all know that.

It also allows them to develop off-shore sea-lane protection. Protection from a dying super-power with continuing delusions of grandeur. There will be moments of heat in this conflict and I would NOT want to be living in or near Darwin when that happens.

Australia is China’s most convenient hardware store with the added advantage of being a growing food-basket. China will keep Australia as its own private supplier.

All we can do is sit and wait.

And worry about our children.

The Tasmanian Farmer


A Tasmanian farmer is working in his fruit and vegetable farm when suddenly a brand-new BMW squeals to a stop beside him.
The driver, a middle-aged man with big ears in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and blue tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, ‘If I tell you exactly how many apple trees and how many apricot trees you have in your orchard, will you give me a box of apricots?’

The farmer looks at the man, obviously a city type, then looks over at his orchard and calmly answers, ‘Sure, why not?’

The city guy whips out his Apple I-Phone, connects it to his Apple Notebook and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The welld-dressed bloke then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Notebook that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his I-Phone and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 15-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and turns to the cowboy and says, ‘You have exactly 1,586 apple trees and 987 apricot trees.’

‘That’s right. Well, I guess you can take a box of my apricots,’ says the farmer.

He watches the blow-in select one of the boxes and looks on amused as he stuffs it into the trunk of his BMW.  Then he says to the big-eared city type, ‘Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my box of produce?’

The visitor thinks about it for a second and then says, ‘Okay, why not?’

‘You with the Australian Government’, says the farmer.

‘Wow! That’s correct,’ says the suited bloke, taking one of brownish fruit out of the box and biting into it. ‘I’m the Prime Minister. How did you guess that?’

‘No guessing required.’ answered the farmer. ‘You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used all kinds of expensive equipment that clearly somebody else paid for, you tried to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don’t know a thing about orchards and market gardens .. the orchard is over there. This is a field of vegetables.  Now give me back my box of onions.”

 

 

tony relief valve

What Has Changed In America?


And why are Australians now trying to emulate it?

Reading through a 1941 issue of the Australian Worker, published some 74 years ago, I found the following article.

Now I am scratching my head.

This is exactly what we still see in America.

This is exactly what the Liberal Party, Rupert Murdoch, the IPA and the HR Nicholls Society are attempting to create here in 21st Century Australia.

america1941

The Australian Worker, Wednesday 15 January 1941, page 10

Smart Kid


A Kindergarten teacher in Toorak, in Melbourne, is explaining to her class that she is a Liberal and how nice it is that a new Liberal Prime Minister has taken office.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liberals and support tony abbott.

Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl.

“Mary,” asks the teacher with surprise, “why didn’t you raise your hand?”

“Because I’m not a Liberal,” says Mary.

“Well, what are you?” asks the teacher.

“I’m a Green and proud of it,” replies the little girl.

The teacher cannot believe her ears. “My goodness, Mary, why are you a Green?” she asks.

“Well, my mother and father are Greens, so I’m a Green, too.”

“Well,” says the teacher in an annoyed tone, “that’s no reason for you to be a Green. You don’t always have to be like your parents. What if your mother was a criminal and your father was a criminal, too, what would you be then?”

Mary smiled. “Then we’d be Liberals.”
 

tony relief valve

The Newman Stamp


During December Campbell Newman was deciding to call a snap election in Queensland. At the same time his Party, in their Bowen St offices were analysing the latest polling.

The results were very, very discouraging. A brainstorming session was called. Any ideas to improve the popularity of the Premier were to be welcomed.

One of the staffers diffidently suggested that, with Christmas coming up and lots of cards being posted, perhaps the trick would be to put Newman’s face on a special Christmas stamp.

This seemed a great idea and so Australia Post were contacted and a great photo of Campbell Newman was found, some sample stamps printed off and quick round of market research carried out.

Severe and unexpected problems were found with the adhesive.

No one was licking the sticky side of the stamp. Instead they were spitting on the image.

The McAbbott Burger


McDonalds are being good corporate citizens here in Australia and are creating a new burger.

It will celebrate the Prime Ministership of tony abbott.

The McAbbott Burger.

It comes with double cheese, fries and extra meat.

It says so, right there on the advertising.

Of course, when you get it, the price has an added $7  co-payment, the cheese has been removed as an efficiency dividend, you will never get the fries you were originally promised because of Labor’s debt and deficit disaster, and it’s only got half the meat.

 

 

 

tony relief valve

The Scale of Things


The Australian Cabinet is holding its weekly meeting in Canberra.

Kevin Andrews is currently giving a report on the Military situation around the world.

He starts in Syria and Iraq where the Islamic State is becoming even more bloodthirsty.

“Sadly,” he says, “Three Brazilian soldiers have been killed.”

A shocked sob is heard and everyone looks at Joe Hockey.

tony abbott sympathetically asks, “What is wrong, Joe? I haven’t seen you react like this since that Asylum Seeker debate about the Malaysian solution.”

Joe sobbed, “The scale of death and destruction there is terrible. Just terrible. How many is a brazillion?”

 

 

 

 

tony relief valve