Category Archives: humor

Cassandra Speaks – And Is Ignored


The current bushfire season and the unfolding disaster are going to have extended political consequences for Australia.

The current season began back in September 2019 and is due to end around March or April 2020. It is likely that the 2020/21 fire season will begin just four moths later in September and last for another eight months. The pattern will continue with the non-fire season becoming slowly, but ever shorter.

Bushfires will become the norm for Australia. And the current four months between them will hardly provide time for the dedicated IPA/LNP-supporting Murdoch media empire to settle the anger of the Australian electorate. The smoke cloud from the fires will engulf Canberra for months after the last fire is extinguished.

As time proceeds in its inevitable way, 2022 will suddenly appear through the smoke haze and an election will be due. By then, Australia will be into its third consecutive eight month fire season. The livestock we eat will be gone, the wildlife will be gone and our weeties will have all been burnt. Our economy will be shot to Hell and the Conservative parties will be panicking about their tried and tested slogan which claims that they are the best managers of the Australian economy. Because the Australia will be rapidly approaching third world status.

While Greens-blaming will still be a popular tactic, it will appeal to fewer people than it had in the past. The biggest problem for the Right will be trying to convince the electorate that, bad as things had become under the Right, things would be even worse under Labor. Especially as it may not be possible to imagine anything worse.

Assuming the Nation’s leadership is still the same, the 2022 election will have to be held before September of that year. Not because of electoral laws but because, once the fires begin again, the Coalition will be un-electable. Even then it will be a close run thing. Just four months of clear air for the Government to convince the electorate to forget the previous two extended fire seasons and the incompetence of the Government in dealing with the emergency.

That word ‘Emergency’ will become key should the Liberal Party blink and change its leadership again. A likely successor to the Marketing Department will be the current Attorney General who, like our current leader, also has Messianic leanings. He will be a continuation of the current cluster-fuck.

The true Emergency will come should the head of Border Force be elected to lead the country. Back to back fire disasters will fuel the acceptance of a justifiable state of National Emergency and Border Force personnel will take full advantage. After all, such a declaration removes the need for any of those pesky elections. It will save money and remove uncertainty. We will know who our leader-for-life will be!

Perhaps the most effective tactic for the current Marketing Department will be to declare war on Fiji. Australia will need to borrow billions of Renminbi from Beijing so that they can buy weapons systems from the USA. China will then move to protect its ally Fiji and so those Chinese funded, USA weapons systems will be used against China.

Australia needs a war on something or someone to prop up an incompetent Government.

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Bizarro


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Pearls before Swine


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Vimrod


Scott Moronisson Goes To Hell


Scott Moronisson has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. ” I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil.” You’re on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.” Moronisson thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed .

The Devil opened the door to the first room. In it was John Howard and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. “No!” Moronisson said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long .”

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Peter Dutton with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. “No ! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!” commented Moronisson .

The devil opened a third door. In it, Moronisson saw Tony Abbott lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was George Pell, doing what he had expected Altar Boys to do to him.

Moronisson looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”

The Devil smiled and said, “George, you’re free to go“

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An Ancient Nativity


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xkcd