Statement of Belief
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Screams from the Stalls
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Far off in another galaxy was a planet inhabited only by walking, talking flowers. The king, a red carnation, had fallen in love with a common daisy. Unfortunately, she was far below his station, and in addition to having a rather spotty reputation, she possessed an equally spotty education. It was clear she would never fit in with royalty.
The king’s ministers suggested that the only way he could possibly marry this lovely young daisy was to educate her in the ways of higher society. He hired the very best teachers he could find. They drilled her in all the fine arts, taking her to the opera and to the ballet. They introduced her to the best literature, and to philosophy. Every thing they did however, seemed lost on the king’s intended bride. None of the teaching had any effect.
Their efforts continued on and on, but she never showed a glimmer of intelligence. At last, the king, in utter defeat, cried out, “It’s no use! I can lead a horticulture, but I can’t make her think!”
Lance Cpl Armstrong was said to have won the battle for the Brits.
You see the soldiers and the Maori warriors were facing each other and were getting ready to fight.
The Maori had done their pre-battle haka and Cpl Armstrong was loading the British cannon to fire when the locals charged.
Just as he was tamping the powder into the cannon with a ram rod the cannon fired! Blowing off the Corporal’s upper limbs in the process and hurling them at the enemy..
The moment the Maori saw what was being shot at them they thought, this is serious Haka stuff. It’s too much for us and they ran off the battle field and disappeared.
To this day whenever the British military is called to action you can still hear the battle cry in honour of Lance Cpl Armstrong.
TWO ARMS! TWO ARMS!