About Cats

I’m cat-sitting for Schrödinger. I have good news and bad news.

Cats cannot be held guilty for their actions since they have no morals to speak of. ~ Elizabeth Peters

Aelurophobia – A fear of cats

All animals are equal but cats are more equal than others

All cats are right

All cats have the same name: The sound of a can opener

All the best races in the Universe are owned by cats

Allergic to cats? Don’t inhale any!

Am I to understand that you people sell dead, fried cats?

And God said “LET THERE BE CATS!” ….. And was ignored.

Are cats SUPPOSED to thump when put in a dryer

Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit

Buds will be roses and kittens will be cats.
Louisa May Alcott

But mommy, I don’t like cats.
Shutup and eat your dinner.

Can you imagine conning eight cats into pulling a sled?

Cat pelts are NOTHING like cats – especially in flavor

Cat? What cat? It’s a small dog doing impressions of cats!

Cataclysm: Bible study classes for cats.

CATALYST n. an alphabetical list of cats.

CATapult: device for throwing cats long distances.

Cat-A-Ract…Cats being questioned by the Spanish Inquisition

CAT-A-Tonic – when you’re out of gin AND hair of the dog . . .

Cats – they’re not so brave once they’re in a microwave!.

Cats also have nine wives!

Cats ALWAYS land on their feet? Maybe you don’t THROW ’em right!

Cats always land on their feet. Dogs won’t even let you throw them

Cats always land on their feet, but at 10 stories, it doesn’t matter.

Cats always sit on whatever it is you’re trying to read

Cats and MEN; No matter what you tell them, they do as they please

Cats and women do as they like, Dogs and men better get used to it!

Cats are already in touch with their inner kittens.

Cats are alright. It’s the aftertaste that bothers me.

Cats are always more sarcastic than dogs.

Cats are evil, and they must be stopped

Cats are fascists: THEY rule everything!

Cats are God’s way of saying your furniture’s too nice

Cats are good at tennis cause they got the guts for it

Cats are good for 2 things: Mulch… and…I forget.

Cats are great, especially with a white wine sauce

Cats are nice but does anyone have any good FERRET recipes?

Cats Are PEOPLE Too

Cats are transparent. Cats should sit in front of the TV screen

Cats aren’t pets; it’s their house and you just live there

Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit to cause the most inconvenience

Cats can’t read and they don’t want you to, either

Cats don’t adopt people.  They adopt refrigerators

Cats don’t want to own people.  They prefer to lease with an option

CATS:  Good for dusting high places.

Cats have 9 lives BANG 8 lives BANG 7 lives BANG six lives BANG

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Cats KNOW how we feel – they just don’t CARE about it!

Cats Make Great Footballs If You Punt Them Right!

Cats (n):  Nature’s pop up targets.

If you don’t give cats milk, they turn back into dragons

It is the goal of all housecats to become spherical

It’s either country music, or nine cats being tortured

Large cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anyone

Men with playful cats shouldn’t sleep naked

Never try to outstubborn a cat.
– Lazarus Long

No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats!

Owning a cat is like taking a prisoner hostage and hoping that at some stage the Stockholm Syndrome will kick in.
– Bradley Trevor Greive

Persian cats are good dust mops. Tie on end of a stick.

Pet peeves? I tried dogs, cats, birds, and fish – peeves are better.

Tag lines are like cats, you only think you own them.

To cats, the law of gravity is only a suggestion

Un, deux, trois – cats sank.  More biligualism.

2 responses to “About Cats

  1. “No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats!”

    Had a cousin who tried that once.
    Almost got the cat under.
    Took ten weeks to heal.

    Who would want to – that Devil’s spawn all belong in Hell!

    Like

  2. got one for ya’….i am a cat lover – my boss is not….he could hardly wait to tell me about a bumper sticker he saw on holiday and he had his wife verify that he in fact didnt make it up just to annoy me

    ” So many cats – so few recipes ”

    .thats ok, i have given all cats in the neighbourhood a map to his flower beds……….

    sweetpea

    Like

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