A Collection of Unforgivable Puns,

Shaggy Dog Stories

and Mangled English

But they all amused me.

2016

Earl Grey

The Snorting Pachyderm

International Misunderstanding

Grain in a Time of Cold War

The Wild West

The Half Lemon

O’m Letting you read this

The Flower King

The Battle Cry

From a Christmas Past

My Friend Bruce

Saucy

Painful Food

Barely Shakespeare

GATHERING NO MOSS

2015

SITH SUBSTITUTES

2013

Name Wars

Don’t worry, Be happy

Shorter

A Slightly Fishy Tale!

Police Culture

Musical

2012

Shakespearean Honey

Political Painting

Doggy Style

Magical

Savannah Rows

An Elephant Walked Into A Bar

Quizzed Out!

Ark To What I Say.

Moby He Got Caught Up

Teenaged Girls!

Proverbially Bad

School Daze

Me Smerising

A Fall From Grace

Shovelled!

I know I need a small vacation

Cat Lovers, Look Away!

It’s THAT Long Word Again

Office Works

Is It Too Early For This One?

Attila Better One Comes Along

Bringing up the Rear

Fork Rhine out loud!

I Counted Three

Juvenile Rhyme

Crystal’s Crystals

Spanish Lessons

Film Noir

Shorter than Tolstoy!

A Tail of Piscatorial Love

Scalping the Guests

An Old Master

Charming

A Poet’s Dilemma

Reaching Olympian Heights

Squee Food

Pulman Heir

Fruity

Middle East or Wild West?

Arms Race

Just Desserts

Punsonous Language

On The Point of a Needle

Broomin’ Marvelous!

Two Cans

Shopping

Though Your Loans Be Tossed And Blown

Witchin’ in the Kitchen!

Fierce Tears The Result

Kindergarten Stuff

The Shotgun Effect

A Bit of a Fairy Tale

A Movie Violition

A Ghastly Tale!

The Service Desk

Scotland Needs To Be Independent Again!

What Does a Grecian Urn?

Sleepless in Tokyo

Slow!

2011

One For The Birds!

Hungover!

In a Delivery Room, Far Far Away

Bill, Board!

With A Fruity Flavour

The Ineffable Smoothness of Bald

Froggy Opportunity

Milk Shake

Get Your Teeth Into This One!

OccupyMusic

The 1002nd Tale

I Urned This One

Fishing For Laughs

Keep on Snacking

Flamboyant?

Mum’s Cooking

Pringles

The Casting Couch

Float Like a Pirate

Following The Guru

The Butcher, The Chef and The Snags

Stock Standards

Proverbially Bad

I Need a Drink!

Wax Museum

Oops, I Did It Again

Poor Little Bunny

He Later Got Divorced

Opened Sauce

Changes

I’ve One; The Terrible

Paranomasia

Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’

I Marks This One Down

Cinderella Doesn’t Live Here

Trouble in River City

I’m A Little Hoarse

Not The Strolling Ones

Nesting

Wadi Sink This Low?

Tractor Tragic

Butchering

What Does This BP?

I’m Not Bound For Nirvana

Chewing the Fat

Chinese Cuisine

‘Fraid He’s Mercurial!

I’ll Seat Here

I’m Going To Hell

And He’ll Lose Ya

Two Safarii

Tied in Knots

Medical Matters

A New Cocktail

I Fort I Knew This One

When Once I Was A Lab Rat

A Europun

This is not about Cam and Bert!

Not A Shaggy Dog In Sight

Before the Dessert Island

Hair Suit

It Begins on May 21st

It’s Not My Fault

A Heavenly Pun

Armadillos, Leprosy and God

Yawn

A Cut Above The Rest

Measure of Success

The Floating Cross

Punish Passover

Tom Swift, Sheepish Driver

Auditions

Poetic Licence

Dry Humour

A Red Tale in the Sunset.

A Strange Case

Avoiding Rommell

Blast Off Is On Hold

The Mole Hole

Planting the Dog

Feeding Seagulls

Alexander Dumas

I’m Just Hiving You On!

Butchering

Some Sick Cat

A Handful of Puns

Cheaper Serves

Why Did the Ant Elope?

This Should Remain Unread

Not Billy May

Geometry

Just Because of Rabbie Burns Night

Holmes Sweet Holmes

Is There a Badge for This?

Period Piece

Hot Nuns

They Ride Nortons!

2010

Sun Deflector

Roman Football

The Oldest Question

Thinking Ahead

A Losing Bet

Again, I apologise!

An Artistic Failure

It Will Dawn On You.

Munchies

Mull This One Over

Banking Troubles

Benny the Rod

Beating Depression

Strange Pub

Sunday Morning Coming Down

The River

Marooned

Halloween Celebration

They Were Probably Swiss

Hollywood

This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You!

Feathered Competition

Not A Brazilian

Simoned

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi

I Feel Sheepish

The Two L Llama, He’s a Beast

The Meaning of Life

Albert Ross

PG-17 Whales

One Plus One Equals?

A Pirate’s Treasure

Fishing For Fun

The Sixties, Flower Power and Hippies

Taxi Driving

Not in the Gulf

An History Lesson

An History Lesson

Sea Food

Coin Toss

It’s an Ill Wind

I’m in Dire Straits Now!

Artwork

A Loser

Favourite Pets

A Thoroughbred One

The Wild West Was The Best

The Twins

Driving Miss Daisy?

Electrically Engineered

It Is The Good Doctor’s Fault.

Grazing Into Space

Non-PC

Gross

I don’t think I have ever done a Jewish joke.

Barber

An Old Fuel

Stand-Up Comic

Future Groaner

All That Glitters

Holy Orders

Perils of Golf

Tarzan and Jane

Maintenance Robot

Enough, Already!

The Bird Lover

Marriage Tales

Stock Market Fluctuations

Bing!

Even Naughtier Policemen

Naughty Polar Bear Hunters

A Frozen Tale

The Coal Miner

Off the Coast of Newfoundland

A Nice Cuppa Tea

The Blue Volvo

Royal Antics

Toyota Salesman (PG)

Beware the Odes of Arch.

Feghoot a la Robinson

Stamp Collecting

Nobody’s Business But the Turks’

Dinosaur Mania

Old Ted

An Accidental Genie

Queen Victoria

Alexander The Great

VALENTINE GROANERS

Contented Cows

The Rancher’s Will

What Will The Gov’t Do Next?

Fitting Punishment

The Lion’s Pride

Shaggy Joe Friday

African Shaggy Dog

Shaggy Basketball

Shaggy Historical Site

Planetary Exploration

The Company Picnic

Shaggy Seasonal

A Hoary Shaggy Dog

Time Traveller

2009

The Olympic Eskimo

Kitten for Christmas

Wonderful Days With Family

Tarzan

Hooked

Einstein’s Research

Another Squid Joke

Teuthology

The Choir

California, Here I Come

A Sad Tale

I Am Ashamed

The Vet

The Clown

The Sick Indian

The Cowboy

Therapy

Dumb Deer

Clothing Problem

Listen, Doc

Upset Irishman

A Bully Bear

Kit Carson’s Breakfast

A Day at the Zoo

West Fife Herald and Post Headline

Snow White

Doctor’s Tipple

The Original Shaggy-Dog-Story

Tractor Enthusiast

The Driving Snail

Job at the Supermarket

Australian Tea

Driven to Distraction

Russian Canyon

The Entymologist

Ice-Cream Man

Ghost Dog

Locked Car

Morning Monks

Murder on the Farm

Justin the Fig

Game Show Cheat

Holmes Front Door

Split Personality

End of the world?

Old Fur

Roman Rollers

Desert Market

Fork Thief

Darius The Mede

The Law in China

The Big Movie Project

The Lone Ranger

Underground Commuter

The Sailor and the Seagull

Changing Partners

Frank Sams Tale

Hunting Deer

IRISH LOVER

Cliff Shoving

Lost Wheel

Cheese on the Moon

The Angry King

Sherlock Holmes and the Mysterious Painting

A Large Green Lump

Slave Games

Grizzled Scientists

The Tomato Family

Chefs at the Zoo

Demoted Policeman

Sherlock’s Camping Trip

The Doomed Starship

Revenge of the Kangaroos

Food at the Races

The Two Bakers

The Floating Dentists

The Poor Shepherd

Show Time

The King’s Pizza

Scrooge and Jiminy Cricket

A Dog Named Mace

2008

Coral Reef Fish

Bonus Pun

Getting Into Heaven

Pointing The Way

Chinese Whispers

Noah Builds Another Ark

Jumping With The Birds

Only a Little Bit Punny

This Circus Has Gone To The Dogs!

Shakespearean Rugby

Tricking the Teacher

The Dog and the Chauffeur

The Best River

Ark; It’s Noah

Sad but True

Birthday Cake

This Has to be the Worst Ever!

Playing Cricket in Church

Come on Bert !

JOCK THE PAINTER

Lost Mouse

Coffee Complaint

Hcab

Golfing Revolution

The Warden’s New Kitchen

The Stern Captain

The Gloop Maker

Daffodils In Jam

Fetching Cotton

We’re All A Clone

Bee Hive Security

But Will You Respect Me In The Morning?

The World Expert on European Wasps

My Aunt’s Cat

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

Magazine Correspondent

The Norse Statue

Full Moon Grapes

Rich Lepers

Spooky Photograph

Galley Slaves

Ballerina Woes

The Inflatable Boy

Touring The Tower

Lost Sandwich Box

Fern Research

The Toughest Road Surface Of Them All

What’s a Pie Cost?

The Tramp’s Holiday

Roy Rogers

Cashing in Your Chips

Vodka Talk

A Small Anomaly

Harbouring the Unexpected

 Saying Grace

 Triage Troubles

Tricks Of The Trade

A Tortured Tale

Cooking Class

Sorry!

Bilingual

Oh No!

Sorry about this

Two Canaries

2007

The Unlosable Golf Ball

Grocery Packing

Time to Change the Will

The Horse Shoe

Addiction

Spud Marriages

L’Humeur? Mais Non!

The Bass Players

 Ponderosa

Calculus

Sweeping Statement.

Ferns

Cougar Hunting

Fall From Grace

Julius Caesar

Chinese Meal

One Octopus Orchestra

Share Trading

The Artist

Dangerous Driving

Payback

THE HIT MAN