Category Archives: humour

The Timberlake Disease


Justin Timberlake, for those who don’t know, was an American pop and R&B singer, songwriter, record producer, dancer, and actor. He came to fame as the lead singer of pop boy band ‘N Sync and has won four Grammy Awards as well as an Emmy Award.

He has since moved into the rarefied air of Celebratoryhood where he simply has to walk down the street to add to his fame.justin-timberlake

With all that success, there are rumours that his life may tragically be shortened by an unusual disease!

Back in 2005, Timberlake discovered that he was suffering from a throat condition. What his medical team referred to as “nodules” were subsequently removed from his throat.

But rumours have abounded that they were not the normal “nodules” we expect to find on the larynx?

Some people with inside knowledge claim they were cellulosiverous Isoptera?

Doctors have revealed that there is no need for general panic as this disease appears to be genetically confined to the Timberlake family and is, in general, unlikely to affect the majority of the population.

Isoptera would, in the long term, totally infest the Timberlake body and all his internal cellulose would be consumed by these small, white, parasitic little critters.

He could be eaten to death by termites!

How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?


Q: How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: There is a great deal of debate on this issue. Up until the mid-20th century, the accepted answer was ‘one’: and this Whiggish narrative underpinned a number of works that celebrated electrification and the march of progress in light-bulb changing. Beginning in the 1960s, however, social historians lightbulbsincreasingly rejected the ‘Great Man’ school and produced revisionist narratives that stressed the contributions of research assistants and custodial staff. This new consensus was challenged, in turn, by women’s historians, who criticized the social interpretation for marginalizing women, and who argued that light bulbs are actually changed by department secretaries. Since the 1980s, however, postmodernist scholars have deconstructed what they characterize as a repressive hegemonic discourse of light-bulb changing, with its implicit binary opposition between ‘light’ and ‘darkness,’ and its phallogocentric privileging of the bulb over the socket, which they see as colonialist, sexist, and racist. Finally, a new generation of neo-conservative historians have concluded that the light never needed changing in the first place, and have praised political leaders like Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher for bringing back the old bulb. Clearly, much additional research remains to be done.

Alcopops


onceupunatimeorange1The Baby Boomers were brought up to be healthy and eschew alcohol.

The Geezers fought in the Second World War, where courage often came from the bottle. So few remaining…

So what about the pre-Boomers/post-Geezers in between?

They would be the Boozers.

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Sid and Sod #844


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From a Roman Wall #112


graphics-romans-528700‘Ave, Ave! Good morning!’ Zoophilus entered the Forum Cafeterium and  looked around. ‘Gratias tibi, Thank you.’ he said to the Barristerus, Nellus, taking his beaker of caffeinus. He went across to the tabula where his his friends were sitting.

‘What are you so cheerful about?’ asked the strangely grumpy Libertinus, the Roman man about town. Verbo Ipsum walked over to the counter to refresh his beaker of caffeinus.

‘I may be off on another voyage if negotiations go as well as I expect them to. Caesar wants some new exotic animals. What has upset you today?’

‘I was unable to get home last night so I had to stay at a caupona, a hotel. All night I was kept awake by strange noises. I’m certain they are haunted by a ghost!’

‘Is that the caupona next to the Temple of Mercury?’ asked Verbo as he returned to the tabula.

‘Why yes!’ exclaimed Libertinus. ‘How did you know?’

‘They have had that problem before and it is very hard to solve,’ said Verbo. ‘So yesterday they decided to fight fire with fire and called for an inn spectre.’

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Sid and Sod #843


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From a Roman Wall #111


wine_salesman_-_romanSecundus walked into the Forum Cafeterium.

‘Salve.’ he greeted Nellus and took the proffered steaming beaker of caffeinus from her.

He walked over to his usual tabula and as he sat down, Libertinus. noted Roman about town looked up and grinned.

‘That citizen, your brother’s neighbour, is quite a wag. He was the life of the convivio, the party, last night.’ he said.

Secundus asked, ‘Do you mean Gallinacius the poultry farmer?’

Verbo Ipsum smiled to himself.

‘That’s the one.” replied Libertinus. ‘He had us rolling off our couches last night. The stories he was telling! He could have a future on the proscaenium, the stage.’

‘That’s not surprising,’ remarked Verbo. ‘Chicken farmers will often share a good yolk.’