Flames, Insults and Vitriol

Thick as two short planks stuck together with stupid glue.

Activate the almonds and milk the soy beans! We have a live one here.

Thanks for your contribution of zero to the discussion. . . we’re all a little dumber for your words

Why don’t you go home and brush up on your ignorance?

It’s better to superglue your fingers together and be thought a fool than loose them on a keyboard and remove all doubt.

You are so two-dimensional you only think outside the square.

The famous exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill  “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is  one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness.  Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him..” – Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support  rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

U couldn’t get a clue in the clue mating season in a crowd of horny clues if u rubbed urself with clue musk & did the clue mating dance.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest…

Were you born a cretin, did you achieve cretinhood or did you have it thrust upon you by too much contact with trolls?

I’m not questioning your sanity. I’m simply denying its existence!

Every tweet you do only helps your case for moron status.

What you type could easily pass for English!

I know I haven’t contributed to the conversation, but that’s because when I grow down I want to be just like you…

 Why don’t you go home and brush up on your ignorance?

That is the far-out craziest thing I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a few Daily Mail opinion pieces in my time.

Your train of thought is like a pitbull chewing on an epileptic wasp.

You’re not stupid. You just have bad luck with thinking.

I see your IQ results were negative.

Damaging your reputation is like making shit stink.

Sarcasm falls out of my mouth like stupidity falls out of yours . . .

Don’t make me use UPPER CASE!

I may be silly and stupid but I damn sure ain’t batshit crazy!

Sometimes you have to forgive and forget. Other times you have to knock the sense out of the moron that did you wrong.

If your mind is so closed, why is your mouth so open?

Vicious little pissant!

You’re an evil mud raking gutter dwelling bitchy ignorant nobody.

Your disgusting behaviour will haunt you.

You are just a human form filled with industrial-grade Mistake Slurry.

You say words which, individually, are understood but put together they make no sense to anyone.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.

I could have eaten alphabet spaghetti and crapped out a better post!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.

Your head is so dense things have started to orbit it.

If you did not see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don’t invent it with your small mind & share it with your big mouth.

NOoooOoo…. I didn’t say you WERE stupid….. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.

Your ancestors must number in the thousands. It’s really hard to understand how so many people can be to blame for producing something like you.

Your parents are siblings, right?

You should learn from your parents’ mistakes – get sterilised now!

The inbreeding is certainly obvious in your family.

It’s good to see you’re here with your charming sister-cousin-mother-wife, Billy-Jo.

The terrifying power of the human sex drive is horrifically demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.

Hey, weren’t you the poster child for birth control?

You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer, and you came along.

I bet your mother’s barks is worse than her bite!

Tell me, did your parents have any children that lived?

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental.

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down.

She’d steal the straw from her mother’s kennel.

I heard you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

I heard somewhere that your brother was an only child. Now I see it’s true.

When you were born, God admitted that even He could make a dreadful mistake.

You grow on people….so does cancer.

If shit was music, you’d be an orchestra.

You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.

He is so short that when it rains, he is always the last to know.

You really are as pretty as a picture. I know I’d love to hang you.

He’s so short, he’d be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.

There are only two things I dislike about her – her faces.

Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?

I can tell that you are lying – your lips are moving.

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

She’s the first in her family born without tail.

You have an inferiority complex – and it’s fully justified.

If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder – it would be an apocalypse!

Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.

Ordinarily people live and learn, but you, you just live.

You are not as bad as people say – you are much, much worse.

Her origins are so low, you’d have to limbo under her family tree.

I know you always have your ear to the ground. How’s life in the gutter?

Talk is cheap. but that’s OK – so are you.

You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.

Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.

You’re better at sex than anyone. Now all you need is a partner.

You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you’re doing your best.

You’re the best at all you do- and all you do is make people hate you.

She has more faces than Mount Rushmore.

People would follow him anywhere…..but only out of morbid curiosity.

His personality’s split so many ways, he goes for group therapy on his own.

If truth is stranger than fiction, then you must be truth!

If sex were fast food, you’d have an M-shaped arch over your head.

Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly

Viscous little pissant.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Brains aren’t everything. In fact in your case they’re nothing

Don’t let your mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own

He always finds himself lost in thought – it’s an unfamiliar territory

He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear” – but then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words

I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works

I don’t think you are a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others

Sure, I’ve seen people like you before – but I had to pay an admission…

Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?

I’ve seen more life in a down and out’s vest.

You’re red shirt goes well with your eyes…

Save your breath…You’ll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn’t you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you…but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You’re about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you….I was at the zoo.

I’d love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can’t count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes – try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn’t say Hi to folk, I’d say BOO!

You’ve got the perfect weapon against muggers – yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love…unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I’d love to help you out…now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn’t have given you worse advice…

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attract…so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.

You started at the bottom…and it’s been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Is your name Maple Syrup? – Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I know what sign you were born under…’RED LIGHT DISTRICT’

Your train of thought has derailed due to empty boxcars

You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement right away.

While you are not dumber than an ox, you are no smarter, either!

You have a mind so fine no idea could ever violate it!

You seem to have descended from the Chimpanzee later than the rest of us.

You are the only genius with an IQ of 60!

Your problem is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

I don’t mean this in a bad way, but genetically you are a cul-de-sac.

A moment’s thought would have shown him.
But a moment is a long time, and thought is a painful process.
A E Houseman

Ærchie, you are just a dumb leftist sodomite pervert fuckwit troll.
Moja (uk.legal)

Alas, your intelligence qualifies you more for the primordial soup
than for the “master race.” Recognize your limitations. Then shut

Aww, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

Completely and utterly beside the point. So beside the point that it’s
like a screaming pair of robot buttocks on the horizon, gibbering madly.

“The poor, confused cave troll. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.
He just never had the proper guidance.”

Quietly Consume Excrement and Cease to Exist, Please.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.”

“Get with the program. No one is ‘wrong’ on Usenet. They are either 100% totally correct, or they are ‘a lying, scum sucking weasel.’ There is no in between.”

Have you found having a single brain cell a handicap in life?

I digress, you ramble, he’s off-topic.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields

I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.

“I didn’t delete any part of your meaningless, pointless, worthless post in order to clearly demonstrate what you are: a crossposting, non-editing, diagram-creating worthless, dickless, brainless, gutless, mindless, ball-less, spineless, flaccid, obese, fish-belly pale, ugly, VD-ridden, moronic, bald, hunch-backed, flat-footed, odoriferous, obnoxious, fecal-smelling, buck-toothed, physically handicapped, fungus-infected, HIV positive, mud-packing, masturbating, whining, simpering, self-important, arrogant, egomaniacal POS that takes up more bandwidth than a despicable binary-poster, and for no apparent reason beyond seeing his own defecatory vomitus slithering down the screen in vile green rivulets.”

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you.

If I’ve managed to offend you, please note: I’m not sorry.

“Intolerance is the last defence of the insecure.”

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

There are no problems that cannot be solved by the judicious use of high explosives.

Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

The preposterous pretension in the handle of a Usenet persona is inversely proportional to his credibility
~Hope’s Law. Rebuttals invited.

Quick!  Close your mind!  Something might get in!

I can see your problem. You have an error in your STK (Seat to Keyboard) Interface.

Stop being a pustulent sore on the labia of mother earth

All I’m saying is that you’re deluded, pathetic, and squirrels use your head to store chestnuts for the cold winter months.

This style of post is not welcome here. You are not going to find any success posting here. Stop. Desist. Cease. Continue not. Abandon posting. Quit. Leave it off. Scrub your nads. Kill your newsreader. refrain. Halt. Pack it in. End. Conclude your activity here. Discontinue. Abdicate your throne of cluelessness. Embrace cessation. Relinquish your whip of usenet pollution. Surrender your computer.  Suppress yourself. Extinguish your mission. Terminate your packets of gloom. Look elsewhere. Squelch it. Vacate these premises. Abstain from posting. Withhold your requests. Abnegate your desire to rubbish this place. Yield to reason. Stop.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

“User error. Replace user and press any key to continue.”

‘The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the ocean searching for a suitable rock to cling to and make its home for life. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn’t need its brain any more…so it eats it. Sounds just like you.’

When the baby sea squirt finds its spot & takes root, it doesn’t need its brain any more so it eats it. Sounds just like you.

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I’ll have a witty and blistering retort! You’ll be devastated THEN!.

What colour is the moon orbiting your planet?

Why can’t people set their clocks, reply to the correct poster, test in a test group, write a coherent question, or keep a question to one thread? Some people are so far from hitting the nail, it doesn’t matter if they have a hammer or a banana.

“It’s men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name.”

yea though i walk ,
through the shadow ,
of the valley of usenet ,
i will fear no poster

You are nothing but the anally retentive humourless nincompoop whose mother desperately tried to douche away. Your brain damage is a direct result of that post-conception mis-adventure. One day your malformed, twitching hands may twitch some readable words onto the internet but no one will be holding their breath waiting for such an unlikely event.

Regardless of your overwhelming inability to understand life, have a nice day.

You couldn’t get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full  of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.

You’re just jealous cause the voices only talk to me.

Do you actually understand the English language or do you just sort of smash keys and hope that what comes out makes sense?

4 responses to “Flames, Insults and Vitriol

  1. Pingback: Venting « Archies Archive

  2. second to last one is my favourite…



  3. I like that one as well. Although some of the longer ones have an artistic quality.


  4. “He is a voluble asshat of our community.”


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