Pupil: I did; I shook my head.
Teacher: You don’t expect me to hear it rattling from here, do you?!
“Oh dear,” said one. “Do you think we will survive?”
“Of course we will,” said the other. “Look! Here comes the Titanic.”
The pirate walks up to his brothers house and knocks on the door and his brother answers the door and says, “Oh my gosh , what happened to your hand!?! ”
The pirate said, “I lost it in a sword fight , but now I have a hook.”
Then the brother said, “What about your leg?”
The pirate said, “A cannonball hit it , but now I have a peg leg .”
Then the brother said, “Well , what about your eye?”
The pirate said, “I got some dust in it .”
The brother said, “How could you lose your eye by just getting some dust in it?”
Then the pirate said, “It was my first day with my hook!
“When I fall in love, it will be for heifer”
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I was the Teacher’s Pet last year.
Why was that?
She couldn’t afford a dog!
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Mummy, Mummy, teacher keeps saying I look like a werewolf.
Be quiet Dear. Go and comb your face.
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Why do vampires never get fat?Because they eat necks to nothing – – –
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What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A long necked toothbrush
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Doctor, Doctor, my son’s just swallowed some gunpowder.
Well don’t point him at me!
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What kind of cats love water?
Octopusses
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What happens when a band plays in a thunderstorm?
The conductor gets hit by lightning.
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What does a headless horseman ride?
A nightmare.
*************************
Why did the farmer plow his field with a steamroller?
He planned to grow mashed potatoes.
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Did you hear about the motorist who always drove his car in reverse?
He knew the town backwards
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Ærchies Archive - Digital Detritus 
A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan.
He’s making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It’s doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.
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pretty good/not bad
i am only 8 years old so i dont reallly get the jokes but if i did i think it would be pretty darn good so yeh.
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