Canberra – Home and Away

The current Rorts Scandal and its political fallout just became as complicated as the lives on Summer Bay.

With #ScottyfromMarketing looking to convince Bridget to resign so that he can claim there is no corruption (Keep your head down, Angus) in his Government, Pete, the local potato suddenly found his way back into the plot after a long absence spent avoiding the heat.

He has come out supporting the poor embattled Summer Bay pin-up and her hairdresser and so set the scene for further developments.

Will Scummo convince Bridget to leave town or will the Potato get his way and she will hold onto her job, to rort another day?

If the Potato is successful, will it be a sign that he has the numbers to have #ScottyfromMarketing sacked (again) from his position as Mayor of the Bay?

Don’t miss next week’s episodes where a climax will again be avoided in the interests of keeping the audience riveted to the happenings at Summer Bay and not glancing sideways at the Fire Storms, Stolen Water or the Tanking Economy.


In Oz we’ve Galahs by the brood.
These parroting pollies, votes wooed.
We’ve had our elections,
I’ve lost my erections!
I’d rather be screwing than screwed!

A Belated Christmas Tale

With apologies to Charles Dickens

The Ghost of Prime Minister Past

And it came to pass that Scotty from Marketing lay upon his bed and worried about knives and assassinations and plottings. Eventually he fell into a troubled sleep.

In that sleep there appeared unto him a vision of a portly yet respected previous Liberal Party Prime Minister.

“I was Prime Minister just before the Second World War, ” Sir Robert said. “I sold iron to Japan and it was going to be sent back to us as exploding bombs and naval vessels. My popularity was almost non-existent and I saw I was not going to take the Nation into war with me. So I resigned and I waited out the war and then I took the Prime Ministership back and I held it for many years and many elections.”

Scotty complained, “But I don’t have a war and I don’t trust the Opposition.”

Sir Robert faded and in his fading he spoke his final wisdom. “Learn from what I said and stop destroying my Party.”

The Ghost of Prime Minister Present

It came to pass that Scotty from Marketing slept on and in his dreaming he saw himself at his desk and on his desk were memos for his actioning.

Among those memos were suggestions on how to take effective action on Climate Change to improve his standing in the electorate and he screwed them up and threw them away because he scorned science.

He said to himself in his dream that science was a worldly sin and that God would ensure his re-election.

He slept on and was at peace with himself.

The Ghost of Prime Minister Future

As he slept on and the alarm clock approached the waking time, the shade of Andrew Hastie appeared in his last dreaming.

“Oh Scott,” Hastie said. “Why did you not read those memos. Why did you dismiss science in a world which depends on science?”

“Because what you believe is more important than how many people like you.” replied Scotty from Marketing . “How many of my colleagues went on to become Prime Minister?”

“Only me, since last year.” replied Hastie’s shade.

“Well done,” smiled Scott. “You must be one of the youngest Prime Ministers in Australia’s history.”

“No. Alas I am not.” explained the man who was once an earnest young member of the Parliament. “I’m the first Liberal Prime Minister since you were voted out of office. I am now 70 and it is 2052.”

An Atheist’s Prayer

Oh Great, Immortal and Non-existent God
Please protect me from your followers
For they disturb my broken sleep with odd
thoughts and fill the world with bellowers
Demanding I accept their null and senseless words.
Threatening me with an eternity of agony and pain
Because my refusal causes anger to believing herds.

I wish, Oh, Great Non-existence, you were real
And could control these loud disturbers of the peace
These hypocritical hypnotising Evangelists who feel
Their sermons contain the only and the whole release
From the evil habits they warn us against yet all practice
In private while publicly condemning me for saying ‘NO!’
Is their faith so weak my quiet opposition will suffice
To make their pack of lies appear to be just mumbo jumbo!


Archy Returns


archy the cockroach who was once a vers libre bard has been very quiet for some years but he has come out of hiding and attacked my keyboard once again.

I thought I heard mehitabel down below the other night.

I see he has not learned to use punctuation or capitals even though he now uses my computer keyboard and not Do Marquis’ typewriter.

Sadly, archy is still not a happy cockroach and he has bad news for us.


hey boss

 i see you have not
australia is still
a disgusting mess
and now someone
is burning the trash

which will make the
digging up of stuff
easier and cheaper
and things can be
made easily worse

 australia has not yet
tidied itself for
international presentation
and your office is still
the same mess it always was

 your leader is as insane as
the leader of the usa
and i have been talking with
other cockroaches
they all say the same

your leader will be squashed
and a worse will take his place

even now he is planning his
immortal leadership with a
thousand year rule while you
laugh at him and call him a potato

even i would not eat him
he is poisonous
and will not taste good
but you go out and
drink those bubbles
you enjoy and relax

because it is now too late to
change the future which
is short for you twolegs
although we sixlegs will
survive and thrive


Eyes moisten with no reason

Eyes moisten with no reason
I lived a life
and failed to see it pass
leaving cold memories
of heated thighs
badly remembered
The clutching arms and lips
Always once more
desperately seeking
a purpose until
there wasn’t
and isn’t.
Tears falling with reason

JEMcL Jan 2020

Cassandra Speaks – And Is Ignored

The current bushfire season and the unfolding disaster are going to have extended political consequences for Australia.

The current season began back in September 2019 and is due to end around March or April 2020. It is likely that the 2020/21 fire season will begin just four moths later in September and last for another eight months. The pattern will continue with the non-fire season becoming slowly, but ever shorter.

Bushfires will become the norm for Australia. And the current four months between them will hardly provide time for the dedicated IPA/LNP-supporting Murdoch media empire to settle the anger of the Australian electorate. The smoke cloud from the fires will engulf Canberra for months after the last fire is extinguished.

As time proceeds in its inevitable way, 2022 will suddenly appear through the smoke haze and an election will be due. By then, Australia will be into its third consecutive eight month fire season. The livestock we eat will be gone, the wildlife will be gone and our weeties will have all been burnt. Our economy will be shot to Hell and the Conservative parties will be panicking about their tried and tested slogan which claims that they are the best managers of the Australian economy. Because the Australia will be rapidly approaching third world status.

While Greens-blaming will still be a popular tactic, it will appeal to fewer people than it had in the past. The biggest problem for the Right will be trying to convince the electorate that, bad as things had become under the Right, things would be even worse under Labor. Especially as it may not be possible to imagine anything worse.

Assuming the Nation’s leadership is still the same, the 2022 election will have to be held before September of that year. Not because of electoral laws but because, once the fires begin again, the Coalition will be un-electable. Even then it will be a close run thing. Just four months of clear air for the Government to convince the electorate to forget the previous two extended fire seasons and the incompetence of the Government in dealing with the emergency.

That word ‘Emergency’ will become key should the Liberal Party blink and change its leadership again. A likely successor to the Marketing Department will be the current Attorney General who, like our current leader, also has Messianic leanings. He will be a continuation of the current cluster-fuck.

The true Emergency will come should the head of Border Force be elected to lead the country. Back to back fire disasters will fuel the acceptance of a justifiable state of National Emergency and Border Force personnel will take full advantage. After all, such a declaration removes the need for any of those pesky elections. It will save money and remove uncertainty. We will know who our leader-for-life will be!

Perhaps the most effective tactic for the current Marketing Department will be to declare war on Fiji. Australia will need to borrow billions of Renminbi from Beijing so that they can buy weapons systems from the USA. China will then move to protect its ally Fiji and so those Chinese funded, USA weapons systems will be used against China.

Australia needs a war on something or someone to prop up an incompetent Government.