Statement of Belief
Collected Things
Ærchie’s Archive- Norty Blues 20340623 Episode 70
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Screams from the Stalls
bog roll
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Ærchies Archive - Digital Detritus 
i used to keep pamphlets from the American Atheist Society near my door for when religious types who practice door knocking came with their literature they got some of mine. It was amusing to watch the horrified reactions followed by the hasty retreats
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Yehaaa – way to go! Somehow it is OK for them to convert the heathen and the atheist but it is not OK for the reverse to be attempted.
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Don’t they use blow-up dolls?
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You used to be able to buy Pagan tracts that were modeled on the Jack Chick tracts. They are also effective at keeping the religious types away. Nowadays I rely on a security door outside the apartment building, and a dog if they get in.
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Pepper spray would be quite good too 😉
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“The good thing about Atheists ….. they won’t blow you up
UNLESS they’re Bolsheviks or the Khmer Rouge
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This, of course, implies that the reverse must be true. That no religious person has ever set out to forcibly convert another. So let us ignore the Crusades (both 12th and 21st century) and the Inquisition and the Salem Witch trials.
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It’s this Classical educaishun
How does one translate into the language of Polite Society :
Non Sequitur
or
Carthago est Delendum
or
Transmitte me sursum, Caledoni
[beam me up. Scotty]
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No. That’s not correct. The Khmer Rouge didn’t blow you up … they either shot you in the head or chopped off your head. Or maybe they just worked you to death. But they didn’t blow people up … that would have been too modern for the Khmer Rouge. The Bolshies, on the other hand …
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how true!
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I had a couple of nice clean-cut American “missionaries” on my doorstep just three days ago. I was gentle with them. They went away smiling but I’m sure they marked my file with “Don’t bother with this guy again.”
Unlike my mate Mick… He would invite them in for a coffee. They would always decline. Mick would then offer a beer. They would keep declining as Mick worked his way up the list; gin, scotch, marijuana, cocaine. At some point before Mick got to injecting heroin, they would be running away screaming.
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I live in a very rural area, and quite far back off the road, yet they still come. They simply drive onto my property which really makes me quite mad.
I once tried a sign that said no religious fanatics but it is apparent that they do not consider themselves to be religious fanatics. Then I wrote the following verse and hung it on my door, it seemed to work:
If you come unexpected and ring our bell,
then you will have rung in vain.
As we find unexpected callers to be quite a pain.
Ah, but don’t think to knock,
that won’t be cause for us to open the lock.
Just quietly go away,
never to return another day.
I would often watch through the window, watch them scratch their heads as they read, and walk away confused.
A man up the road has a sign with a red circle and a slash over the words Jehova’s Witnesses.
Other effective techniques I’ve found. Knowing that Mormons are required to wear “special underwear”, when they show up I ask to see it.
Answering the door au naturale also works.
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I think I like the last option the best! Then I really would like to see their clean-cut little faces! (roaring with laughter)
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