Tag Archives: Peter Costello

The Cracking of the Abbott Monolith


The Truth is finally catching up with Tony Abbott.

Those “inconsistencies”, those sudden U-turns in his aspirations, those “let’s not be pedantic about what I have said” moments.

As his lies statements have become less consistent, so his volume has increased.

Being denied the Prime Ministership which he was apparently promised by the owner of the Satanic Presses, Abbott has reverted to type. Bullying, blustering and being a complete twat!

His brand of conservatism would take Australia back to the 1950’s!

Because 100% of the media is now behind Abbott 100% of the time, including the media we pay 8c a day for, it is a credit to the Australian electorate that his coalition has only around 50% of the famous “Two Party Preferred”. in the polls. That there is still a large minority which can see through all the spin and hype is encouraging.

An Unworkable Leader

The difficulty the Liberal Party has is that Abbott is too successful. He was supposed to be a caretaker. Someone who could get the Liberal Party back into contention for the 2010 election. He almost made it.

Now, due entirely to over-the-top media support and some very clever tactics from the Liberal Headquarters in Menzies House, the conservatives are in an unbeatable position with an unworkable leader.

The golden rule of politics is that you stick with a winner and Tony Abbott is a winner. He is also a completely loose cannon and members of his own party are beginning to worry that his only ability is to lead in the polls. He is showing disturbing signs that he would be unable to lead a Government.

Now that an election is just 18 months away, we are beginning to see the first signs of a move within Liberal ranks to change from the three year Tony Abbott run election mode. A mode which, while successful, has also created some worrying tendencies within the electorate. Attitudes have hardened into vicious hatreds and the consequences will be terrifying.

Australians look to Norway and sanctimoniously say, “It couldn’t happen here!” The bad news is that we are closer to such an event than anyone other than ASIO will admit.

Even the heartless men of the Liberal Backrooms are beginning become concerned that they may have unleashed a demon they can no longer control. In an era of “Wedge Politics” they have wedged by their own creation. If Tony Abbott leads the Coalition to victory at the next election, he will not be able to be replaced! Once Julia Gillard was condemned for “assassinating” Kevin Rudd it became impossible for the Liberals to “assassinate” their leader once he became Prime Minister.

A cure must be found before the 2013 election!

This past week has seen a sudden public cracking of the heretofore monolithic face of the Liberal Party. Peter Costello has suddenly reappeared, vampirelike, from his political coffin and is being touted by some as a pre-election replacement for the current leader. How much of this is due to the appallingly incompetent performance of the Baillieu-led Victorian Liberal Government and how much to the growing Abbott-phobia in the Federal sphere is impossible to tell. The important fact is that Costello is a proven weakling in political stoushes and so he is more likely a symptom rather than a cure.

What is even more certain is that the divisions and machinations have been a closely guarded secret until now. That there are now rumours in the public domain are an indication that all is almost ready for the coup.

Looking for an alternative leader on the Coalition Front Bench is like looking for a Strawberry in a Blueberry Pie. Abbott has successfully destroyed the leadership hopes of an entire generation of Liberals. So the move by Costello may be telling us something important.

The next leader of the Liberal Party is yet to sit in the House of Representatives.

Heartless and faceless though the Backroom men may be, they also recognise the need, to quote Sir Humphrey Appleby from “Yes Minister”, for “Somebody Sound.” Somebody who is consistent and reliable. Somebody who can be trusted. Somebody they know.

Just such a man has recently been put in place by the Liberal hierarchy. From the office of the revered John Winston Howard a man has been found who is eminently “sound”.

Chief of Staff Arthur Sinodinos has been elevated to the Senate. From where he is unable to become the Leader of the Opposition. Yet, when the sky fails to fall on the Australian economy with the introduction of the Carbon Price in July, a leadership challenge in August could see the new Senator elevated in a John Gorton-like move of political brilliance.

With nearly a year and a half to the 2013 election, he will have plenty of time to become well known, to move to a House of Representatives seat and yet not enough time for his blandness to erode the huge Coalition lead in the polls.

Tony Abbott’s Graphic Nightmare!


There is a time for satire, fun and innuendo. A time I have enjoyed over the past few weeks and a time to which I know will return. Not being a Banana Bender, I shall avoid reference to the most trustworthy man in Queensland.

Brisbane’s own “Arfur”. “Can-do” Campbell Newman. I do just wonder who his Minder is. And is he really a bargain?

Instead, today I shall look closely at something which has always bothered me about this current Federal Labor Government. The Government of BAD Economic Managers!

I shall do the wonky school-masterish thing and include graphs! I do apologise but graphs can be our best friends. I shall also use coloured print so I look impressive.


INTEREST RATES

I keep hearing that it is the highest taxing Government in Australia’s history. That the Coalition were and always will be better financial managers than the ALP could ever be.

I remember that wonderful Howard boast that Interest rates will always be lower under a Coalition Government.

So let’s look at some facts, not political statements.

Sourced from here

There are some interesting conclusions to be drawn from this graph. Yes, there WERE huge interest rates under Paul Keating yet they had dropped dramatically before the Howard/Costello watch began. Under Howard the rates bottomed out in 2002 (at 4.25%, today’s current rate) before beginning an inexorable rise until they reached 6.75% when Howard lost his Government AND his seat.

Since then Interest rates have fallen, and risen again yet have NEVER (other than the “lag” just after the Rudd/Swann regime began) gone above the lowest rate Howard was able to preside over. Yes, there was the cataclysmic effect of the GFC which dragged the rates down to an artificial 3%.  It is still obvious that the overall Labor Interest Rate is lower than the average Coalition Interest Rate. And the mail on the Exchanges is that the rates will go further down over the next year!.

So the John Howard pledge was a lie.

Interest rates ARE lower under a Labor Government.

TAXATION RATES

OK! We have found that one of the Urban Myths about the financial abilities of our present Government is completely and demonstrably wrong!

So let us look at some original sources for the tax story.

Firstly, from the final budget papers produced by Peter Costello. (clicking on the image will make it more readable)

Sourced from Budget2008/09

Now a quick look at the much higher taxing Wayne Swann’s efforts.

Sourced from Budget2011-12   

Yes, it is so bloody complicated our eyes glaze over.

It would be so much easier to understand if there was a simpler chart.

And here it is.

Created by ME!

Now the “Higher Taxing” Treasurer may be easily seen. Each of those % points is out of YOUR pocket!

Wayne Swan you are so bad!

THE SURPLUS

Everyone, in Canberra, in the media and in the pub , is severely concerned about the lack of a surplus in Wayne Swann’s time as Treasurer.

I’m not going to show a chart here. I’m just going to quote some raw figures from the back of my drinks coaster.

I tried using the Windows Calculator but still cannot handle the % function so I used my memory of high school maths to find an interesting fact.

Had the “much higher taxing Treasurer”, Wayne Swann actually taxed at the same rate as his so much lower taxing predecessor had intended, then he would have been saddled with an $18.1 Billion surplus THIS year! (2011/12).

Yes! This is 18 Billion Dollars in YOUR pocket, not in the pocket of this Socialist, High Taxing, High Spending, Socialist Government. Money Peter Costello would have taken from you.

Wayne Swann, you are in the wrong Party. You’re a better Conservative than anyone in the current Opposition!

There is no wonder Tony Abbott avoids graphs. These are his worst nightmare!

101 Uses For A John Howard #101; Man of Steel


And so the Jon Kudelka saga ends. On election day 2007.

With a glance at the least publicised but possibly most pervading of John Howard’s pieces of dictatorshiplegislation.

The updated Sedition Laws.

Under which it would be possible to jail any leader of the opposition for trying to undermine the authority of the Prime Minister. Or even a Treasurer who plans to do the same thing.

As for voting against the sitting Prime Minister – – –

Well, he cant jail us all.

Can he?

 

Look, we’ve been awake for the past 72 hours having a bit of a read of the Anti-Terrorism Act, especially the bits about sedition, and we’d like you all to disregard the previous 100 Uses, forget you ever saw them, clear the cache, remove the hard drive and set it on fire and if you’re feeling especially patriotic and/or a bit peckish, eat the remains.We would like to vigorously refute any suggestion that he is in any way an evil Dark Overlord, obese simian, member of the order rodentia, one of the undead, seafood of dubious freshness or fruit of any description.

We would also like to especially resile from the complete misunderstanding that he might resemble a floating turd, be a receptacle for urine or is in any other way involved in the disposal of human waste. In fact, we would even like to say that in all likelihood he doesn’t even go to the toilet.

John Howard? Fantastic fellow. The great thinker and orator George W. Bush, President of our infallible ally the United States of America and Leader of the Free World once referred to him as the Man of Steel, relating equally to his Übermensch status as to his undisputed sexual prowess.

Whether it’s rescuing a cat from a tree, saving a drowning kiddy from the ocean or simply battling the overwhelming forces of Terror with his extraordinary magnetic powers, John Howard is the greatest ever Australian, living or dead, including Don Bradman, and our dearest hope is that his reign as Prime Minister of this Lucky Country can somehow be made permanent.

…can I go home now?

Thank you Jon, for the privilege of reposting this cartoon series. It has been a fun time and thoroughly enjoyable. I look forward to your 101 Uses for a Kevin Rudd.

101 Uses For A John Howard #100


Alas, once again the fuzzy little ewoks are in terrible danger.

Kudelka has written the script for Star Wars Episode 7!

 


Sure, a clone army of Cultural Stormtroopers is nice to have, but no Dark Lord of the Sith is complete without an invincible space station with which to destroy entire planets in a peremptory fashion. John W. Vader took delivery of his fully operational Death Senate after the 2004 election.Sadly, “fully operational” is never quite the case with your average Death Star. They never work properly and they’re always back in the shop. A particular problem with this one was a persistent squeak in the Barnaby Joyce, which is impossible to get parts for.

Nonetheless, it’s a good life being a Dark Imperial Overlord with the power to choke recalcitrant minions with a mere wiggle of the fingers. The black outfit, while not as comfy as the tracksuit, lends a certain gravitas and also makes you impossible to dack.
Until now, it’s been a bit of a doddle. Recent opponent, Kim Jabba the Beazley didn’t move very fast and nobody could understand what he was saying without subtitles. Chewbacca Latham howled a lot but ended up making a monkey of himself and that other chap Jar Jar Crean was quickly relegated to a non-speaking role for obvious reasons.

However, there’s a New Hope on the horizon. A young hero Kev Skywalker has appeared out of nowhere with a tousled mop of blonde hair. There’s also that Princess Gillard with the weird hairdo, but apparently her boyfriend’s a hairdresser.

Anyway, Darth Howard’s still got one ace up his sleeve. At the appropriate moment, he will reveal his terrible secret, Kevin… I am your father.

…which pretty much explains everything.

101 Uses For A John Howard #86; The Couch


I can remember scrabbling around under the cushions looking for enough loose change to buy a carton of milk. Leading John Howard Caricaturist, Kudelka has found someone else who does the same.

 

Remember to keep an eye open for the book of the series.

 

 

The couch is integral to the Australian way of life. Without a good couch, it is impossible to be comfortable and relaxed. Without a couch, families will be forced to eat the main meal facing each other across a dinner table, potentially resulting in conversation and thus the swift and inevitable breakdown of civilised society.Without a couch, Australians would be bereft of sound economic management.

No economy, great or small, can survive for long without the couch. Without that vital contingency fund stashed under the cushions of every household in Australia, our complex financial system would come to a grinding halt within hours if not minutes. This is the secret behind the superb economic management of our peerless couch potato John Howard and his rather lumpen sidekick Peter Costello.

Whenever things look a bit grim (for example, perhaps it’s the start of an election campaign and pressies are a bit thin on the ground) John raises his derriere off the green leather and Peter scrabbles around under the cushions for a bit of loose change.

This time he’s emerged with around $34 billion that they didn’t know they had which is a testament to what a safe pair of hands and a top-quality Chesterfield can do to keep a trillion dollar economy like Australia’s purring along like a well-oiled machine.

101 Uses For A John Howard #82


Australia’s leading John Howard caricaturist, Kudelka, is racing to complete his 101 uses for John Howard collection before the election. The quality of his cartoons seems to keep on going up while John Howard’s stocks keep sinking.

It’s time for bed, you’ve had a glass or two of wine and you’ve been sitting in front of the plasma TV watching election advertising all evening. They say there’s no aphrodisiac like fear and you’re convinced that the union bosses will be around to destroy the economy, abolish your job and paint TERRORISTS WELCOME on your front door mat within moments of John and Janet leaving the keys to Kirribilli House in the letterbox.

You do what anyone would do and turn to an old flame for comfort. Sure, the passion has waned over the years and he doesn’t look like much, but the candlelight’s glinting off his scalp and you know from experience that if you hop into the sack with Ol’ Johnny, you’ll get thoroughly screwed every single time. You want leadership and while you might not be convinced he’s Mr Right, he’ll do at a pinch as Mr Right Now.

The trouble with John is his mate Pete. There’s not a conservative politician on the planet without a few kinks up his sleeve (and various other orifices) and up ’til now, you’ve been reasonably comfortable with Pete watching from the corner and sometimes under the bed. There’s a slightly disturbing smirk on his face, but he’s kept his hands strictly to himself (with the aid of just a touch of lubricant).

All of a sudden though, it’s three in a bed and Mr Right Now has been joined by Mister Right Behind Him. The smirk’s cranked up a couple of centimetres, there’s an unholy hunger in his eyes and you’re not sure quite what’s lurking under the sheets. Come to think of it, that Rudd fellow doesn’t look like he’s up for too much of the kinky stuff and if you let him pop down to the local pole dancing club now and then, he’ll probably leave you alone most of the time…