Tag Archives: New Zealand

Streaker Granny Rescues Man From Creek

From New Zealand comes the headline of the week.

Streaker Granny Rescues Man From Creek

A 78-year-old woman famous for streaking on an airline information video has rescued a man who fell into a creek he was trying to urinate in.

Betty Messent of Henderson, in Auckland, is known to some Kiwis for her cheeky acting roles, including her cameo as the streaker in Air New Zealand’s Rugby World Cup-themed in-flight safety video.

Ms Messent and her partner, Russell Officer, were walking home along Henderson Creek after grocery shopping last Thursday afternoon when they heard a man’s cries for help coming from under a bridge.streaker Granny

“We got to him as fast as we could and he was half in the water, clinging on to the bushes for his life. He was very incoherent but you could see he was distressed and cold. He looked like he couldn’t hold on much longer,” Ms Messent said. Mr Officer said they weren’t able to pull the man out of the water so they used their cellphone to call emergency services.

The pair initially thought the man had fallen off his bike into the creek but Mr Maclean said the man’s unzipped fly told a different story. “Judging by the number of empty beer cans surrounding the park bench his bike was parked at it appears that he may have been enjoying a few brews and then nature called.”

Oh yes, Here is that Air New Zealand in-flight safety video. Check around 3.09 for a nukked Grunny.

New Zealand Nipple Warmers

Nothing says “MEH” more than a cold and wet Mehday Morning after a very short weekend.

So here is something to warm the – umm – cockles of your heart.

New Zealand hates things given to it by Australia.

Introduced into New Zealand about 150 years ago from Australia, the brushtail possum has multiplied now to over 70,000,000. With no predators, this pest has decimated huge tracts of New Zealand native forests eating 21,000 tons of vegetation nightly. Both bird life (including the Kiwi) and many unique types of trees are threatened with extinction because of the brushtail possum.

Now they have invented a way to reduce that Possum Population, keep you warm and help you avoid – err – standing out in a crowd.

nipple warmers

New Zealand Nipple Warmers

For further information, visit the New Zealand Nature Online Store.

There may be a special price for you if you show your PETA membership card.

Topless Flasher Loses

A New Zealand woman who flashed her breasts at passing motorists distracted one driver so much he ran her over.

Cherelle Dudfield never meant to literally stop traffic. She says she was egged on by a friend to flash her breasts at passing cars while standing in the middle of a road in the South Island city of Invercargill.

But the good times turned bad when one of the vehicles crashed into her. The 18-year-old rolled over the bonnet, and cracked the windscreen, but luckily was not hurt.

Ms Dudfield pleaded guilty in the Invercargill District Court to one charge of disorderly behaviour. The judge said the behaviour was dangerous and fined her $220.

Burgled from New Zealand correspondent Kerri Ritchie

Creepy Santa

Since 1960, Whitcoulls, who once were the publishing house Whitcombe and Tombes, have provided Christmas terror to hundreds of thousands of little New Zealanders living in Auckland.

A giant 20 metre tall statue of Old St Nick which both beckoned with one enormous crooked finger and winked lasciviously with one eye. A certain winner of the global Creepiest Santa contest.

It seems it all got too much for the good people (I’m sure there must be some) of Auckland and the statue has been renovated, repaired and allegedly rehabilitated.

After months of plastic surgery at a secret Auckland location, Santa and some yet-to-be-identified helpers are soon to be unveiled on Queen Street.

“St Nick requires some post-operative care,” says Heart of the City Auckland CEO Alex Swney. “So his new look will not be obvious until the dressings are removed.”

Rumour has it that the wink is gone as is the beckoning finger.

Personally, I find that Mummy Santa is even scarier. He should be returned to his sarcophagus.



Has Something Come Between Us?

Hanging off the edge of the world, like a dag on Australia’s backside, is a semi-mythical nation called Kiwiland.

The intelligence of Kiwilanders is awesome.

Most of the really smart ones have had the sense to move to Australia (Hiya, Nurse M) leaving the remainder in a sort of IQ sinkhole.

Here is an example of the breathtaking depths to which their intelligence can sink.

Strange World #30; Embarrassing Names

A New Zealand judge has ordered that the parents of an eight-year-old girl change her name, saying it is highly embarrassing and makes the child a target for ridicule.

The girl, who lives in New Plymouth on the west coast of the north island, is named “Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii“.

The Family court was told that the child is so mortified she has not told any of her friends her real name.

Judge Robert Murfitt ruled that the name was a social disability.  The girl’s parents have separated and she has been placed under the court’s guardianship while a new name is selected.

Judge Murfitt says he is appalled by the judgement of some parents. He says in New Zealand there are children called Midnight Chardonnay, Number 16 Bus Shelter, Violence and Benson and Hedges (twins). Another set of twins were (should that be “was”?) called Fish and Chips. Some children in Taranaki had been named after six-cylinder Ford cars.

“Recently, for the first time in my experience as a Family Court judge, the name of a child described in text language has emerged,” Judge Murfitt said.  On that occasion the mother had named her daughter O.crnia but was prepared to concede to a condition of a parenting order so it could be adjusted to Oceania.

Based on an article by New Zealand correspondent Kerri Ritchie

My Wine Cellar

My budget has been a little strained of late.

So I have strayed from the quality wines of the Margaret River region and have begun drinking some less expensive bottles from, shall we say, more obscure wine producing areas.

For instance, here is my review of a dry white I purchased for just cents a bottle. It is from the Hunting River region of New South Wales.

This is a simple but very, very tasty wine that delivers lots of pure fruit flavor without a lot of extraneous bells and whistles. On the mid-palate, the celery seed and butternut squash flavors from the new oak make this wine shine. It’s a dry, nearly full-bodied wine with pronounced fruity flavor, and soft texture cut through by a medium amount of fine-grained tannin.

Another white, this time from the Baroque Valley in South Australia.

The fruit is free from the excessively overt sweetness that unmasks many wines of this type. The deep, tactile fruity flavors have hints of road apple and holly. Sipped without much thought, it’s fruity and flavorful enough to please guests who don’t drink wine often.

The only reason I purchased the next was because I needed a red and they were paying customers to take it back out of the door. It was from the Watheroenahaka district in the South Island of New Zealand and had the added advantage of causing the drinker to dance a full Haka after every sip!

This full bodied wine fills the mouth with an abundance of fruit and spice flavors and displays soft, silky tannins. This wine shows very nice character, with notes of orange gummi bear and ripe mouse, backed by accents of arugula, pawpaw and pickle relish. This wine is slightly less fine only because it is short across the palate – it’s very up-front, you might say, and lacks the length that a better wine would have.

Finally, I found crates of this vintage on the side of the road in the Gypsland region of Victoria.

This full bodied wine fills the mouth with an abundance of fruit and spice flavors and displays soft, silky tannins. There are complex aromas of sauerkraut, milkshake, white pepper and clove. This wine is a real contender at this price, with the chunky, candied obviousness that separates winners from the losers in this range.

(To be honest, I found this cute wine review generator over at caza az and burgled it.)

Naked New Zealanditis

There have been many strange tales coming out of the Land of the Long White Cloud.

Here is just one more which may get pubescent males away from in front of their computers and out into the real world, whistling while they go. Of course, it could have just been the effect of volcanic fumes on foreigners. Or perhaps New Zealand men are completely irresistible.

An Israeli tourist was about to use an ATM in the main street of Kerikeri, in the far north of the country, when a group of road workers whistled, the New Zealand Press Association (NZPA) reported.

Fed up with their wolf-whistles, she calmly stripped off, used the cash machine, before getting dressed and walking away. The woman told police she did not take too kindly to the whistling from the men repairing the road.

“She said she had thought ‘bugger them, I’ll show them what I’ve got’,” police Sergeant Peter Masters told NZPA. “She gave the explanation that she had been … pestered by New Zealand men. She’s not an unattractive looking lady, She was taken back to the police station and spoken to and told that was inappropriate in New Zealand.”

Strange World #28; Pot Luck For Cash-Strapped Kiwi

A New Zealand man who found himself in a service station queue with no money has attempted to pay for his food with cannabis, the Dominion Post newspaper reported. Unfortunately he did not get a chance to discover whether the attendant would accept his offer, as the person behind him in the queue was a police officer.

The man’s attempt to buy two packets of chocolate and a packet of potato chips to satisfy his “munchies” was caught short when he was arrested. He must have been hungry, as he failed to notice the police patrol car being filled with petrol, the paper reported.

The 28-year-old mechanic from the small North Island town of Carterton pleaded guilty to possessing cannabis in the Masterton District Court and was remanded for sentencing.

Beware of the Wombat Rapist!

It seems a Wombat has turned the tables on a New Zealand man and has revenged centuries of Sheep Abuse!

Arthur Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker from Motueka on South Island, New Zealand, rang police on February 11 to say he was being raped by the slow-moving Australian marsupial at his home, The Nelson Mail reported.

He rang back soon afterwards to say he was withdrawing his complaint against the wombat, a court was told.  “Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know,” he told police in the second call.

Cradock has pleaded guilty to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and today was sentenced to 75 hours community work.  Prosecutors, who apparently have no sense of humour, said alcohol played a large part in Cradock’s life, although his defence lawyer said he was not drunk on the afternoon of the phone calls.