Q: What is the one thing Wall St and the Olympics have in common?
A: Synchronised diving
Q: What is the difference between a pigeon and a merchant banker?
A: A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari
I went to buy a toaster and it came with a bank.
Q: What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can’t short-sell anything?
A: Quarter pounder with fries please
Q: How many commodities traders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don’t change bulbs; but the trading price of darkness plummets due to oversupply
Entries from a new financial dictionary:
Broker: What my stock adviser has made me
Standard & poor: Your life in a nutshell
Cash flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
‘I’m terribly sorry that the collateral debt obligations that were securitised as part of our ongoing risk amelioration programme have resulted in a capitalisation issue that affects our Human Resources capacity’
Translation, ‘You’re fired’.”
MONEY IS THE ROOT TO ALL EVIL — send $9.95 for more info