Tag Archives: dog

God and Religion


Religion is like a huge dog. When it's yours it feels comforting and safe, but it scares the hell out of everyone else.

Reverently burgled from God

Dog Found


founddog

Abandoned


Most of today was really, really good.

I had to do some business with the Government today.

Then I visited the bird sanctuary

I did some shopping and I went down to the Maylands jetty so see what bird life was around.

There was a beautiful black swan which I will post tomorrow.

Because a wonderful day was ruined.

As I was leaving I spotted a beautiful collie dog.

He walked into the river to have a drink.

It was then that I realised something was wrong. He had no collar.

I looked around for a possible owner. There was no one else in sight except another dog walker and his grandchildren.

The Collie was looking at the other family who were on the jetty, then at me on shore, and then, deciding we were not the correct people, looking around as if looking for someone who should have been there.

When the small boy from the other family ran to him and tripped over him he simply stepped to one side showing that he is used to children.

But he had no people. No collar. No registration. He had been abandoned!

I saw him wandering off into the undergrowth along the river bank. Probably looking for an unwary bird for dinner.

Living in a “No-Pet” block of units, I was unable to give in to my natural instincts. I couldn’t take him home.

At least the RSPCA is now looking for him.

Me?

I began getting angry when I realised what had happened. Now I am just so sad with a very blurry keyboard in front of me.

I hope he is found and that a family who will love him gets to have a wonderful pet.

And I wish the nasty human who abandoned him a lonely miserable life!

Bilingual


A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.

Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.”

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be good with a computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.”

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, “Meow.”

Empty Recycle Bin?


I can has cheezeburger strikes again.

 

A Shopping Dog


Here at the archive we have been a bit on the heavy side this week so here is a little lightness to brighten your day.

A large dog walks into a butcher shop, carrying a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case.

“What is it, boy?” the butcher jokingly asks. “Want to buy some meat?”

“Woof!” barks the dog.

“Hmm,” says the butcher. “What kind? Liver, bacon, steak…”

“Woof!” interrupts the dog.

“And how much steak? Half a pound, one pound…”

“Woof!” signals the dog.

The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog’s purse. As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins scratching at a door. With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.

“Stop!” yells the butcher. “He’s the most intelligent animal I’ve ever seen!”

“Intelligent?” counters the man. “This is the third time this week he’s forgotten his key!”