Conservation and Renewal

There was an old man who lived in a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald.

That day, he called his children to a meeting. He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside in the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

“What I want you to do,” the man continued, “is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”

So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children planted a seed and grew a new one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

 

Sid and Sod #886

Egyptian Lockdown

The Egyptian government has become increasingly concerned about social unrest as a result of their lockdown so they have instructed all the taxi drivers in Cairo to drive round constantly sounding their horns.

The theory is that hearing the familiar sounds and noises of the city will induce a sense of tranquillity and normality to everyone’s daily lives.

The Government have said that operation ‘Toot N Calm Em’ will last for at least a week!

A Man Died and Left His Son

A man died and left his son a fur coat and a million dollars. But to get the million dollars, the son had to meet a strange request. He had to make sure the coat did not lose any of its hairs for ten years. It had exactly one million hairs.

The son kept the coat in a special vault where only he could touch it. Once a year, for nine years, he went into that vault to count the hairs. And each year, he found every hair in place. …”Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-five,” he counted. “Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-six. Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-seven. Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight. Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine. One million.”

At the end of the tenth year, he began counting the hairs for the last time. He could hardly wait to get it over with and to collect the money. But when he finished counting, he found that one hair was missing. He could not believe it. He was sure that he’d made a mistake.

“Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-five,” he counted. “Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-six. Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-seven. Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight. Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine- no, one, two, three, four, five….” “Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine!”

And that was all. One hair was still missing. The man was very upset, for now he would not inherit the million dollars. He moaned and groaned and shouted and screamed and wept great tears.

Finally he looked up. In a corner of the room was a little white moth, flying here and there. The man watched the moth for quite a while. Then he went over to it, and he asked, “Did you eat that hair?”

The moth said, “Yes, I ate it. It was a very good hair.” The man stared at the moth for a minute and said, ‘I am going to catch you, and then I will squash you and get back that hair.” He raised his arm and reached for the moth.

Have you ever heard a moth bawl?

A Nasal Spray

Back in the middle ages there was a guy that had a parlor trick..

He would ask his friends to write down a year in the future on a piece of paper while he was blindfolded.

He would then sniff the paper, sniff the ink and sniff the hand of the writer and then make a prediction of what would happen in the future year.

He kept a record of all of these predictions made over many such sessions of sniffing the paper, ink and hand.

Amazingly, as time passed, his prophesies for each year turned out to be true.

The man’s name is lost to us in history, but, of course, we know him as NOSTRIL-DAMUS!!!

Breeding

Hoping to breed his female Cocker Spaniel, Gerald advertised for a male to service her. After a while the phone rang and the following exchange occurred.

“Good morning. I read your advertisement and I’ve got a healthy young Spaniel. Unfortunately I don’t have any pedigree papers for him.”

Gerald replied, “Don’t worry about that. Any Cocker dude’ll do.”

Sid and Sod #884

Sid and Sod #882

Sid and Sod #881

Pearls before Swine

Sid and Sod #880

Sid and Sod #879

Sid and Sod #878

Sid and Sod #876

Sid and Sod #875