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Screams from the Stalls
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Category Archives: Dad JokeImage
The Egyptian government has become increasingly concerned about social unrest as a result of their lockdown so they have instructed all the taxi drivers in Cairo to drive round constantly sounding their horns.
The theory is that hearing the familiar sounds and noises of the city will induce a sense of tranquillity and normality to everyone’s daily lives.
The Government have said that operation ‘Toot N Calm Em’ will last for at least a week!
A man died and left his son a fur coat and a million dollars. But to get the million dollars, the son had to meet a strange request. He had to make sure the coat did not lose any of its hairs for ten years. It had exactly one million hairs.
The son kept the coat in a special vault where only he could touch it. Once a year, for nine years, he went into that vault to count the hairs. And each year, he found every hair in place. …”Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-five,” he counted. “Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-six. Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-seven. Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight. Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine. One million.”
At the end of the tenth year, he began counting the hairs for the last time. He could hardly wait to get it over with and to collect the money. But when he finished counting, he found that one hair was missing. He could not believe it. He was sure that he’d made a mistake.
“Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-five,” he counted. “Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-six. Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-seven. Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight. Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine- no, one, two, three, four, five….” “Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine!”
And that was all. One hair was still missing. The man was very upset, for now he would not inherit the million dollars. He moaned and groaned and shouted and screamed and wept great tears.
Finally he looked up. In a corner of the room was a little white moth, flying here and there. The man watched the moth for quite a while. Then he went over to it, and he asked, “Did you eat that hair?”
The moth said, “Yes, I ate it. It was a very good hair.” The man stared at the moth for a minute and said, ‘I am going to catch you, and then I will squash you and get back that hair.” He raised his arm and reached for the moth.
Have you ever heard a moth bawl?
He would ask his friends to write down a year in the future on a piece of paper while he was blindfolded.
He would then sniff the paper, sniff the ink and sniff the hand of the writer and then make a prediction of what would happen in the future year.
He kept a record of all of these predictions made over many such sessions of sniffing the paper, ink and hand.
Amazingly, as time passed, his prophesies for each year turned out to be true.
The man’s name is lost to us in history, but, of course, we know him as NOSTRIL-DAMUS!!!
Hoping to breed his female Cocker Spaniel, Gerald advertised for a male to service her. After a while the phone rang and the following exchange occurred.
“Good morning. I read your advertisement and I’ve got a healthy young Spaniel. Unfortunately I don’t have any pedigree papers for him.”
Gerald replied, “Don’t worry about that. Any Cocker dude’ll do.”