Category Archives: Australia

Canberra – Home and Away


The current Rorts Scandal and its political fallout just became as complicated as the lives on Summer Bay.

With #ScottyfromMarketing looking to convince Bridget to resign so that he can claim there is no corruption (Keep your head down, Angus) in his Government, Pete, the local potato suddenly found his way back into the plot after a long absence spent avoiding the heat.

He has come out supporting the poor embattled Summer Bay pin-up and her hairdresser and so set the scene for further developments.

Will Scummo convince Bridget to leave town or will the Potato get his way and she will hold onto her job, to rort another day?

If the Potato is successful, will it be a sign that he has the numbers to have #ScottyfromMarketing sacked (again) from his position as Mayor of the Bay?

Don’t miss next week’s episodes where a climax will again be avoided in the interests of keeping the audience riveted to the happenings at Summer Bay and not glancing sideways at the Fire Storms, Stolen Water or the Tanking Economy.

*******

In Oz we’ve Galahs by the brood.
These parroting pollies, votes wooed.
We’ve had our elections,
I’ve lost my erections!
I’d rather be screwing than screwed!

A Belated Christmas Tale


With apologies to Charles Dickens

The Ghost of Prime Minister Past

And it came to pass that Scotty from Marketing lay upon his bed and worried about knives and assassinations and plottings. Eventually he fell into a troubled sleep.

In that sleep there appeared unto him a vision of a portly yet respected previous Liberal Party Prime Minister.

“I was Prime Minister just before the Second World War, ” Sir Robert said. “I sold iron to Japan and it was going to be sent back to us as exploding bombs and naval vessels. My popularity was almost non-existent and I saw I was not going to take the Nation into war with me. So I resigned and I waited out the war and then I took the Prime Ministership back and I held it for many years and many elections.”

Scotty complained, “But I don’t have a war and I don’t trust the Opposition.”

Sir Robert faded and in his fading he spoke his final wisdom. “Learn from what I said and stop destroying my Party.”

The Ghost of Prime Minister Present

It came to pass that Scotty from Marketing slept on and in his dreaming he saw himself at his desk and on his desk were memos for his actioning.

Among those memos were suggestions on how to take effective action on Climate Change to improve his standing in the electorate and he screwed them up and threw them away because he scorned science.

He said to himself in his dream that science was a worldly sin and that God would ensure his re-election.

He slept on and was at peace with himself.

The Ghost of Prime Minister Future

As he slept on and the alarm clock approached the waking time, the shade of Andrew Hastie appeared in his last dreaming.

“Oh Scott,” Hastie said. “Why did you not read those memos. Why did you dismiss science in a world which depends on science?”

“Because what you believe is more important than how many people like you.” replied Scotty from Marketing . “How many of my colleagues went on to become Prime Minister?”

“Only me, since last year.” replied Hastie’s shade.

“Well done,” smiled Scott. “You must be one of the youngest Prime Ministers in Australia’s history.”

“No. Alas I am not.” explained the man who was once an earnest young member of the Parliament. “I’m the first Liberal Prime Minister since you were voted out of office. I am now 70 and it is 2052.”

Archy Returns


HE HAS RETURNED

archy the cockroach who was once a vers libre bard has been very quiet for some years but he has come out of hiding and attacked my keyboard once again.

I thought I heard mehitabel down below the other night.

I see he has not learned to use punctuation or capitals even though he now uses my computer keyboard and not Do Marquis’ typewriter.

Sadly, archy is still not a happy cockroach and he has bad news for us.

—————————–

hey boss

 i see you have not
succeeded
australia is still
a disgusting mess
and now someone
is burning the trash

which will make the
digging up of stuff
easier and cheaper
and things can be
made easily worse

 australia has not yet
tidied itself for
international presentation
and your office is still
the same mess it always was

 your leader is as insane as
the leader of the usa
and i have been talking with
other cockroaches
they all say the same

your leader will be squashed
and a worse will take his place

even now he is planning his
immortal leadership with a
thousand year rule while you
laugh at him and call him a potato

even i would not eat him
he is poisonous
and will not taste good
but you go out and
drink those bubbles
you enjoy and relax

because it is now too late to
change the future which
is short for you twolegs
although we sixlegs will
survive and thrive

 

Cassandra Speaks – And Is Ignored


The current bushfire season and the unfolding disaster are going to have extended political consequences for Australia.

The current season began back in September 2019 and is due to end around March or April 2020. It is likely that the 2020/21 fire season will begin just four moths later in September and last for another eight months. The pattern will continue with the non-fire season becoming slowly, but ever shorter.

Bushfires will become the norm for Australia. And the current four months between them will hardly provide time for the dedicated IPA/LNP-supporting Murdoch media empire to settle the anger of the Australian electorate. The smoke cloud from the fires will engulf Canberra for months after the last fire is extinguished.

As time proceeds in its inevitable way, 2022 will suddenly appear through the smoke haze and an election will be due. By then, Australia will be into its third consecutive eight month fire season. The livestock we eat will be gone, the wildlife will be gone and our weeties will have all been burnt. Our economy will be shot to Hell and the Conservative parties will be panicking about their tried and tested slogan which claims that they are the best managers of the Australian economy. Because the Australia will be rapidly approaching third world status.

While Greens-blaming will still be a popular tactic, it will appeal to fewer people than it had in the past. The biggest problem for the Right will be trying to convince the electorate that, bad as things had become under the Right, things would be even worse under Labor. Especially as it may not be possible to imagine anything worse.

Assuming the Nation’s leadership is still the same, the 2022 election will have to be held before September of that year. Not because of electoral laws but because, once the fires begin again, the Coalition will be un-electable. Even then it will be a close run thing. Just four months of clear air for the Government to convince the electorate to forget the previous two extended fire seasons and the incompetence of the Government in dealing with the emergency.

That word ‘Emergency’ will become key should the Liberal Party blink and change its leadership again. A likely successor to the Marketing Department will be the current Attorney General who, like our current leader, also has Messianic leanings. He will be a continuation of the current cluster-fuck.

The true Emergency will come should the head of Border Force be elected to lead the country. Back to back fire disasters will fuel the acceptance of a justifiable state of National Emergency and Border Force personnel will take full advantage. After all, such a declaration removes the need for any of those pesky elections. It will save money and remove uncertainty. We will know who our leader-for-life will be!

Perhaps the most effective tactic for the current Marketing Department will be to declare war on Fiji. Australia will need to borrow billions of Renminbi from Beijing so that they can buy weapons systems from the USA. China will then move to protect its ally Fiji and so those Chinese funded, USA weapons systems will be used against China.

Australia needs a war on something or someone to prop up an incompetent Government.

The Prating Parson and his Platitudes


Channel 7, on Jan 2nd of this new decade, reported that, ‘Scott Morrison has called for patience as thousands of Australians remain in limbo, anxious and fearful after being impacted by bushfires. The Prime Minister has also again downplayed the need for urgent climate action after fires which razed huge areas in NSW and Victoria turned deadly.‘ He went on to report more of the Prime Minister’s words, Scott Morrison has called for patience as thousands of Australians remain in limbo, anxious and fearful after being impacted by bushfires.

“My simple request is to be patient, to have confidence in the state agencies,” Mr Morrison told media in Sydney on Thursday. “I understand the anxiety and I understand the fear that is there for many and I understand the frustration. But this is a natural disaster. Natural disasters are best dealt with through the methodical, well-coordinated response that we are seeing today.

I shall paraphrase that,

Scott Morrison, losing focus.

‘This is a big fire and we cannot control it. I will be a lot more comfortable if you are a quiet Australian while your home burns down. I will be quite happy if you smile through the loss of your livelihood and your family and most importantly, please smile and thank God while you are being burned to a crisp. We have nothing prepared for this so you just have to suck it up. Please do it as good quiet Australians. It is easier on my ears.’

Yet this is nothing new. Ever since he was accidentally appointed PM by his myopic political party, his favoured mantra has been, ‘Keep calm, nothing needs to happen in a hurry, whatever you do, do not rock the boat. Any change is bad and frightening and we will not allow it

In the SMH, David Crowe and Max Koslowski wrote on November 12, 2019, ‘…the Prime Minister called for an end to the “shouting” by politicians when more than a dozen emergency warnings were in place amid fears conditions would worsen. Take it down a few notches,” Mr Morrison said. “There have been a lot of provocative comments made over the last few days from all sides of the debate and I find it very unhelpful.

And again, in The Australian of December 12, 2019, Olivia Caisley wrote, Scott Morrison has called for calm over the bushfire haze blanketing Sydney and other cities, while defending the government’s climate change policies in the face of critics who have seized on a catastrophic fire season to demand deeper emissions cuts.’

Yet it goes further than that. In the Guardian of 26th Nov, 2018, reported, “Each day I send my kids to school and I know other members’ kids should also go to school but we do not support our schools being turned into parliaments,” Morrison told parliament on Monday. “What we want is more learning in schools and less activism in schools.

Non-anxiety-causing fire photo for the children.

On Sept 12, 2019, SBS reported, ‘…speaking from New York, Prime Minister Morrison cautioned against imposing “needless anxiety” on children when dealing with the concerns of climate change. We have got to caution against raising the anxieties of children, But I do understand that people do feel strongly about this. I want children growing up in Australia to feel positive about their future.

If there is a theme in this sad attempt at Prime Ministership it is that everyone should always be calm. Regardless of terror, tragedy and disaster. Remain calm at all costs.

Yet we do not need a pretend parson prating platitudes.

We need a leader!

Crouching Morrison, Hidden Prime Minister


The past few days have shown an interesting inversion in Australia’s political leadership.

The nationwide bushfire emergency has been notable for the disappearance of our elected Prime Minister.

Firstly he had little to say about the fires except to tell other nations that Australia did need any help from overseas. He then visited a group of Canadian volunteers who had come to help out, mainly because he couldn’t find any Australian volunteers who wanted to meet him.

Secondly he disappeared out of the country on holidays just before Christmas.

Then thirdly he returned and made a number of speeches, some about the fires but seemed to be fixated on the cricket season. Mostly he seemed to want to spend his time inside the Kirribilli Bubble.

In the meantime Australians felt leaderless.

Then up stepped Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese. Making the inspiring speeches which had been lacking. He has taken ownership of Australia’s leadership in this time of crisis. Moving around the Nation to visit the danger spots, to talk with the firies and those who had suddenly become homeless. Suddenly there was a sense of direction and purpose in the air. Australia had an occupant in the Prime Ministerial role.

Yet could there be an ulterior motive in this apparent swapping of roles?

When the fires finally go out in April, will this stint as accepted leader suddenly become a millstone hung around Albo’s neck?

Will the Morrison camp suddenly start giving Albo ownership of the fires? ‘They were YOUR fires and you didn’t do a very good job of putting them out!’ Half the fires were in Labor States and Albanese with Andrews and Palaszczuk were unable to do anything to control them.

The Murdoch Press will be able to push that line and there is nothing Albo or the ALP will be able to do about it. Truth will once again be twisted so that the Coalition will become the heroes.

By lurking in the safe shadows of the Harbour Bridge, Morrison will avoid dirtying his hands and will come out of this disaster smelling of roses because someone else was willing to do the job he was incapable of.

AGAIN!

Scott Moronisson Goes To Hell


Scott Moronisson has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. ” I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil.” You’re on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.” Moronisson thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed .

The Devil opened the door to the first room. In it was John Howard and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. “No!” Moronisson said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long .”

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Peter Dutton with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. “No ! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!” commented Moronisson .

The devil opened a third door. In it, Moronisson saw Tony Abbott lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was George Pell, doing what he had expected Altar Boys to do to him.

Moronisson looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”

The Devil smiled and said, “George, you’re free to go“