Category Archives: Australia

Running Australian Politics


Scene 1; The Liberal Childcare Centre P/L trading as the IPA

Phone rings;

‘Good morning, Chief Child Wrangler speaking. Oh, it is you, Malcolm. Back from meeting that orange shitgibbon already?
……..Yes I have seen the Essential Poll this morning. You’re worried? What about, losing the next election?
……..Oh, about your own position. We shall have to do something about that. Look, we’ll throw it around in the sand pit at lunchtime and see what we can come up with.
………Yes, you too Malcolm. Bye.

Scene 2; same Child Care Centre, later that same day.

The Chief Child Wrangler is waiting on the phone.

Oh God, the things we have to do for this self-centr – – – Oh Good afternoon Malcolm. How are things at your end?
……. Oh! Dutton hasn’t returned a phone call. And Tony has made one? This does sound desperate,
……. Well, we have developed a plan and, if I may say so, it is a beauty.
……. It is similar to the way we removed both Rudd and Gillard.
…… Well yes, and the same as we used to remove Tony.
……..We will start that replace Shorten with Albo rumour again
……. Nonono, I know that it can’t happen until after the next election but the marks don’t remember that.
…….. Nothing like a little leadership destabilisation to swing the electorate
…….. The Murdoch Press and Leigh Sales have been alerted. They will be interviewing Richo and Latham tonight. Always good to have one of them spouting the rumours.
…….. Oh no. They will be very believable. And tomorrow we can add Marn Ferguson into the mix.
…….. That should swing around 3.5% of the electorate your way.
…….. Yes, I’m so pleased you like that plan. OK, Talk with you aging soon. Bye.

Scene 3; Same Child Care Centre even later in the day.

Phone rings;

Good afternoon, Chief Child Wrangler speaking. Oh, hello Mr Dutton.
……………………………………………………… Ahh yes, I hear what you are saying.
No, I agree with you. Malcolm has won the only election he can win and if we are to stay in Government we need to change leaders.
……… You would be an excellent choice, Peter. And I have just the plan, already organised. We played it out in the sandpit at lunchtime.  We were just waiting for your call.
……… Chris Uhlmann is the man for this. He has Tony, Senator George and Cory ready to endorse you and they will swing at least 3.5% of the electorate behind the Party.
……… Yes, yes, we were just waiting for your call. The plan can start immediately. Bye.

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Remembering on Anzac Day


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A Wavy Wave


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Dust Storm Coming


The Night Watchman


It is a little known fact that the Australian Government has a large scrap yard where they keep all the now obsolete copper wire from Telstra now that the NBN is such a thing.

Malcolm Turnbull said to his Cabinet, “Someone may steal our copper wire at night.”

So Michaelia Cash created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Mattias Corman asked, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So they got Simon Birmingham to create a planning department and he hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Malcolm Turnbull asked, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the job correctly?” So Cabinet asked Arthur Sinodinos to create a Quality Control department and he hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Kelly O’Dwyer asked, “How are these people going to get paid?” So Christian Porter created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Malcolm Turnbull asked, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

The entire Cabinet scratched their heads and looked around. They realised Barnaby Joyce had not done anything with this whole affair so they delegated the task of creating an administrative section to him.

Barnaby moved the entire scrap yard to Gunnedah and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Scott Morrison said, “We have had this night watchman office in operation for one year and we are already $18 million over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”

So they laid off the night watchman.

 

Crop Circle


A crop circle in the spinifex

Two Sides To Every Coin


Prime Minister (pro tem) Malcolm Turnbull has been very noisy over the past couple of weeks.

Ever since word spread that a certain tuber was about to challenge for the leadership of the IPA Liberal Party.

He has been noisy on defense (We need to train our people to kill other people), on Asylum Seekers (Their Hell isn’t Hellish enough yet) and of course, that Multicultural wonder of the world, the Snowy Mountain Scheme 2.0 for which he has dusted off some 1980’s plans and polished them up so that they look almost new.

Today he reached new levels of noisiness as, alongside his Minister for Employment, the Honorable Screech, he promoted a new piece of legislation which will outlaw bribery of Union leaders.

During the question time after his announcement and the Screech’s addendums, he was asked about the bribery of political parties by outside individuals and corporations. Turnbull turned coward and, in a flurry of umms, errs and stutters he refused to answer, moving very obviously onto the next question. One from close ally and friendly face, Chris Uhlmann.   An interesting response to a very valid question. It revealed the blatant partisanship of this exercise. Obviously the terrorism card is not winning enough votes any more.

So I sat and cogitated over my second cup of coffee and wondered if this maladvised Prime Minister had thought this move through thoroughly.

It is all very well to outlaw these bribes which come from companies, sometimes very BIG companies and the money is given TO a Union or a Unionist. That is already covered by the Law of the Land.

Not once did he talk about the consequences to those big companies. Everything he said was aimed at convicting Unions of bribery.  He wasn’t even asked a question about consequences for the companies involved in the GIVING of the bribe.

I can see a time coming, when this new Law is passed, where a Union or Unionist will be prosecuted and while it will be proven that a bribe was accepted, that bribe will have come out of thin air.

This is the Turnbull Law that disregards the physically unavoidable fact that every coin has, MUST HAVE, two sides!