I have always believed that de-caffeinated coffee is an affront to all the Gods of Creation in their assorted heavens and to genuine coffee afficiandos everywhere.
However I have discovered, in a 3am thought experiment, that there is indeed a purpose for decaffeinated coffee.
The caffeine which is scrubbed off the beans and removed needs to be saved and sold as an additive for real coffee beans.
Been a while since you bounced off walls? This could be the solution
Extra Caffeine added to a double-shot short black along with some raw sugar it will provide a real, super-charged kick to the day.