Resumés for Front Bench Positions

Gilding the lily is a job seeker’s birthright. Just because you have conned the electors into putting you into Parliament it doesn’t mean you have stopped job seeking. There is always a better job going if only you can convince the boss to give it too you.

In the Liberal Party the boss is Malcolm Turnbull and he recently advertised, discretely, for some positions which had become available on his front bench or, as Mal likes to call them, directorships . . .

Some of the key points in a few of the resumés submitted were leaked in a private communication.

tony abbott claimed to be perfect for the job, any job, as he was a former CEO of the company.

Julie Bishop announced that she should hold her position as Director for Foreign Affairs because she was fluent in two languages, one of which was Pig latin.

Greg Hunt claimed, in his resumé, to be a Nobel Prize winner.

Eric Abetz wanted his old job back as he had been fired, “by accident.”

Mal Brough announced that, “I am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

Christopher Pyne requested a meeting ,”So you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

Barnaby Joyce explained that he is; “Experienced in all faucets of accounting.”

Senator David Leyonhjelm was a surprise applicant and his resumé included the fascinating information that; “I have not yet been abducted by aliens.”

Scott Morrison wrote on his resumé that, “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

Jamie Briggs included the demonstrably true information that; ““I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut.”

There will not be an inquiry into the leaking as was explained in a lunch time Prime Ministerial explanation which began, “Lucy and I . . .” and finished with the words, “It has never been a more exciting time,” sometime after the evening News services had ended.

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