101 Uses For A John Howard #97; Dodgy Oyster

I don’t know about anyone else, but I rather object to cutting down trees, which most people think are good, to turn them into wood pulp, which even the customers don’t like. It is necessary to pay bribes discount the price to the customers so that they will buy the stuff.

Jon Kudelka has taken a wider view of the situation and decided there is an up-side. Those society matrons with their blue rinses in Bennalong who like a dozen on the shell, can play Russian Roulette with their designer luncheons.


Picture yourself washing down a fresh Tasmanian oyster with a crisp white wine while you watch the sun set over the beautiful rolling hills of a Tamar Valley winery.

Boring huh?

Luckily, Tasmanian tourism is going to receive an overdue injection of adrenaline in the near future. Instead of endless tracts of pristine this and untouched that, you’ll be able to watch it all get chopped down and turned into pulp.

THRILL to the logtruck derby where the only thing on the road more endangered than you is the native wildlife! GASP at the spectacular stench of fugitive mill emissions! RETCH as you tuck into a dioxin-laced oyster! The days when the most exciting thing about a Tasmanian holiday was wondering when the rain will stop are long gone.

Humble fellow that he is, John can really only take credit for the pollution of Bass Strait as he left the approval for pulping the rest of Tasmania up to the state government where the only thing dodgier than the approvals process will be the local fisherman’s basket once the effluent starts flowing. No Save The Franklin fiascos for John – look at what a missed waterskiing opportunity that turned out to be.

So, next time you’re about to tuck into a slippery Bass Strait oyster with a slightly dodgy look about it, think of John Howard. It’s not really that much of a stretch.

3 responses to “101 Uses For A John Howard #97; Dodgy Oyster

  1. T’was my feeling that it was the Minister for (against?) the Environment who had the final say on the pulp mill? Some banker sort of person? Who has the Almighty $ as his god-head? What’s his name now … ???

    I think the name may have been Turncoat or some such


  2. Apologies for not really being a relevant comment to the post but I just had a thought:

    If the Liberals lose on Saturday & both Joe Hockey & Malcolm Turnbull also lose their seats, as is now thought possible, it’s quite possible that on Sunday morning, Liberal voters will wake up to Abbott & Costello fronting the new opposition.

    N.B.: I believe Downer will be retiring into lingerie.

    What’s that?

    He’s already in it?


    It is nice to dream of this happening. The Libs would take a couple of decades to recover!


  3. Oh, my lawdie … I believe Mr. Costello may take exception to your placement of the names. Or is it simply a case of familiarity breeding contempt?

    As for Downer and his lingerie … only the cheap and nasty kind! Fish-net stockings always look cheap and nasty to me. Especially when worn with a feather boa! And as far as I can remember, and it IS a sight worth forgetting, he didn’t even use pasties with or without the fake rhinestones! Nasty.

    buff, you create visuals I wish I did not have to endure. Have you noticed how Shirley Downer has developed a really depressing visage.


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