101 Uses For A John Howard #96; Grapefruit

Kudelka is reaching into the fruit bowl for this one.

There is not a lot more to be said about this use for our Glorious Leader.

Except that there is no way he would be a pink grapefruit!


It says something about the state of politics in Australia that the most telling political speech in 2007 would need subtitles (preferably with some exciting Kung Fu action as well) to be understood by 99% of Australians.

Yep, fresh, sweet and juicy Kevin Rudd’s short blast of Mandarin at APEC had John looking like the last grapefruit in the bowl.

Let’s be clear about this, nobody likes grapefruit. The only reason anyone ever eats grapefruit is if they don’t, they will die of a heart attack, and even then it’s not a done deal.

Sure, the grapefruit could go on and on and on about how its record of sound cholesterol management has kept your blood pressure at historically low rates, but no matter how much sugar you pour over it, you’re still tucking into a miserable bloody grapefruit which will squirt citric acid straight into your eye the moment you stick your spoon in.

In a contest between a mandarin and a grapefruit, the only thing the grapefruit’s really got going for it is it’s extraordinarily tough rind and the fact that they last forever (mainly because no bugger will eat one) but as long as the mandarin avoids getting into any bruising encounters it’s looking pretty good.

2 responses to “101 Uses For A John Howard #96; Grapefruit

  1. Ah, but you must be aware that people taking medication for high blood pressure must NOT eat grapefruit at all! If they do the medication will be negated and the high blood pressure will kill you anyway, regardless of how much cholesterol there is in the blood. So even if he is a pink grapefruit he’ll still kill you! Or me!

    Howard does very little that is good for my blood pressure!


  2. Frankly, I didn’t think he looked like a grapefruit, at all. He’s been a bad apple for a long time in my eyes.

    Anyway, not to be outdone by the Ruddster, I believe Johnny-boy did try to same something in an Asiatic tongue, off-mike.

    A Channel 7 journo I know swears he sidled up to the Chinese delegation, wiggled his try-hard hips and coo-ed:

    “You velly pretty, me love you long lime…”


    Definitely a bad apple – possibly the most blatant of all the bad apples we have had as our leader. His current problems come from the fact that the electorate has started to translate some of his statements into plain English.


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