101 Uses For A John Howard #95; Dog Walker

Seven days to go before we finally get a chance to have our say on the future of Australia. Seven days before we put the longest election campaign in  history to bed.

In the meantime, Kudelka has found the answer to the question.

Who let the dogs out?

Back in 1998, Australians got an early glimpse of John’s grand vision for a happier and more harmonious workplace on the docks of Australia. Not only did the lure of lower pay and fewer conditions for all beckon invitingly, the new regime also promised full employment for big angry dogs. Sadly, big angry dogs and the associated hired goon and balaclava and baton manufacturing industries failed to achieve their potential in the ensuing years.With the introduction of WorkChoices, a system I’m sure the electorate would have voted for if John had had the time to mention it during the last election campaign, an opportunity for a resurgence in large dog employment has arisen.

The average worker currently possesses an enormous tactical advantage in current AWA negotiations, with employers armed only with greater financial and administrative resources and the ability to sack the employee without recourse.
Legislation is in the works to have a large angry dog to be present at all workplace negotiations, with the employee given a large rare steak with which to defend themselves in the interests of fairness. AWA negotiations are sure to proceed extremely smoothly, with any associated emergency surgery or rabies shots to be provided by the employer in exchange for a few public holidays and the right to go to the toilet during office hours.

For this bold vision to work, Australia’s large angry dogs will need to be maintained at peak fitness at all times. The key is John Howard and his tracksuit. Dogs could be trained to obey only the wearer of the tracksuit while being walked to the point of exhaustion by the great man. The tracksuit would become the business suit of the new regime, with it being a sackable offence to wear the tracksuit when not in possession of an ABN.

5 responses to “101 Uses For A John Howard #95; Dog Walker

  1. (said with grim determination) Bring back the “Bastard Boys”, please. That was the beginning of the end for Howard as far as I was concerned! Any Prime Minister who allows … no, /encourages/ … a Minister like Peter Reith and his bully-boy support of Patricks deserves no respect whatsoever! Dogs against Australians indeed! That was a disgrace!!!

    It was then that I began to wonder just how much this little shite could change the Australian psyche. It turned out to be a lot more than I feared. He may well have destroyed our country.


  2. is it really the longest election campaign in history?

    I am probably wrong. The official campaign, from the day of calling the election, is only six weeks; longer than usual but not a record. However the campaign actually began the day after the election of Kevin 07 as leader of the Opposition. That was what? Forever ago?


  3. Peter Reith, now there’s a name from the past. May dogs piss on him wherever he goes…and on that note, here are some thoughts on what will hopefully be a bloodbath for the Libs on Saturday:

    may Peter Costello’s smug reptilian smile bite him carnivorously on the bum one day at the zoo, when he’s finding things to do while unemployed
    may Tony Abbott’s ears keep growing until he hears every curse that’s ever been sent his way, still echoing through the cosmos
    may Malcom Turnbull’s pomp keep puffing him up until he releases the flatulence on his fellow party members in a vain grab for the Lib’s top job &
    may John Howard make a fool of himself on Dancing With The Stars as he pathetically tries to stay in the public eye.


    Oh yes! Amen Brother!


  4. Andrew, you are a delight!!! I watched that repugnant little man supposedly “debating” Wayne Swan on Channel 7 this morning, and you are so right. He’s reptilian! And the smugness of the creature is horrifying! Can you IMAGINE him as our Prime Minister???!!! That’s providing Howard keeps his promise to retire anyway, if he wins again (shudder!!!)

    Buff, you are evil. Fancy suggesting that Howard’s promise to retire is a non-core promise – – –


  5. Thank you, Buff…but to be honest, Peter Costello and I have a dark history.

    He was my late mother’s poster boy, everything that I was not. So in Oedipal rage, I look forward to his fall.

    Say what you may about Keating but at least he had the guts to leave Hawkie. Costello has proved, time and time again that he’s Howard’s bum-boy and not fit to be a leader. (Are you watching, Mum?)


    I rather hope she is, Andrew. Although I wonder at your phrase “Oedipal rage” in respect of your mother – but then I am a picky pedant.


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