Here we are, just ten days from the election that will change a nation and Kudelka is drawing down Heavenly Wrath.
Just who will it strike?
Now that the economic indicators are confirming that this is indeed a poisoned chalice for the winner, who would YOU want to win?
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but for a sect of religious homophobes, the Exclusive Brethren have what could only be described as an extremely gay name, evoking images of rugby change-room frolics, dressing up in women’s clothing and free entry to the best gay nightclubs.
Fortunately, we at 101 Uses For A John Howard have an extremely open-minded outlook, and understand that it’s hard enough being a member of an extremist cult without having to deal with the problems inherent in coming out of the closet.
The Exclusive Brethren shun contact with the outside world, extending to refusing to vote on the grounds that this interferes with God’s right to ordain who rules. Those who think that the Exclusive Brethren should probably sit down and have a bit of a read of the Electoral Act will of course burn in Hellfire for all eternity.
Now you’d think that this would spell the end of the Brethren’s involvement in political affairs. Unfortunately, they’ve recently had word that Satan has infiltrated democracy and they’ve decided that rather than expose themselves to the moral quagmire that is writing numbers on a piece of paper in a cardboard booth once every three years, they will enter the spiritually pure universe of political campaigning.
Luckily for John Howard, God’s given him the nod to be if not the Elect Vessel, at least the Elected Vessel of Australia’s Satan-raddled democracy. While the Vessel itself may indeed strongly resemble and smell like a urine sample jar, God assures us that He is in no way taking the piss, and that he has booked us an Exclusive Booth in the deepest pit of Hell with a great view of the lava lake for suggesting otherwise all the way back in Use Number 1.