Strange World #40; Plush Uterus Toy Recall


The makers of a “Plushie” uterus toy have had to issue a re-call notice.

uterus-hazard2

SUMMARY

Voluntary safety recall of Plush Uterus due to potential choking hazard for children. Recall participants will receive a 15%-off online coupon code. Consumers may either return for refund/exchange, or opt-out via email if the uterus is not accessible to children. Please notify gift recipients.

NOTICE

In an effort to ensure our plush products exceed federal and international safety standards, we learned the 2008 Plush Uterus has failed a pull test. The ovaries may detach when pulled, becoming a potential small part choking hazard for young children. No one has been harmed.

Although our website and sewn-on label state that the uterus is not for children aged 0-3, we have instituted a voluntary safety recall for the uterus plush. We have filed a safety recall notice with the U.S. Consumer Product and Safety Commission (CPSC). If the plush uterus is being used by a young child, please remove it immediately. If you gave the uterus as a gift, please forward this email to the recipient(s).

All other I Heart Guts plush products have been certified as safe for all ages under US and European safety standards.

For the full recall notice, please go to “I Heart Guts”

Rare Timberlake Disease Fatal?


Justin Timberlake, for those who don’t know, is an American pop and R&B singer, songwriter, record producer, dancer, and actor. He came to fame as the lead singer of pop boy band ‘N Sync and has won four Grammy Awards as well as an Emmy Award. In 2002, he released his debut solo album, Justified, which sold over seven million copies worldwide. Timberlake’s second solo release, FutureSex/LoveSounds, was released in 2006 with the U.S. number-one hit singles “SexyBack”, “My Love”, and “What Goes Around… Comes Around”. With his first two albums, Timberlake has sold over 15 million albums worldwide. For a decade his partner was the now troubled Britney Spears.(With grateful thanks to Wikipedia)

With all that success, there are rumours that his life may tragically be shortened by an unusual disease!

Back in 2005, Timberlake discovered that he was suffering from a throat condition. What his medical team referred to as “nodules” were subsequently removed from his throat.

But what if they were not the normal “nodules” we expect to find on the larynx?

What if they were cellulosiverous Isoptera?

Doctors have revealed that there is no need for general panic as the disease appears to be genetically confined to the Timberlake family and is, in general, unlikely to affect the majority of the population. Although there is a possibility that the no longer stick-like Spears could also be harbouring the infection.

Isoptera would totally infest the Timberlake body and all his internal cellulose could be being consumed by these small, white, parasitic little critters.

By termites!

Missing Person


After four unsuccessful years of war, thousands of casualties (well, alright, tens of thousands of casualties) and sending the USA almost bankrupt, the Bush Administration has finally decided to get serious about finding that Bin Laden Guy!

osama_missing.jpg

101 Uses For A John Howard #80


While I try to use older cartoons from Australia’s great cartoonist, Kudelka, sometimes I cannot resist the brand new and apposite comments he makes.

Such as this one, brand new and hot off the drawing board.

Although he has not yet suggested what shirt our leaders should wear for the infamous “Group Photo” which is the finale for all APEC wind-bag-fests.

Sydney’s hosting APEC, and in honour of some of the more repressive regimes in attendance, we’ve given our police the chance to show them how it’s done with new and exciting powers to keep unruly citizens in line.

However, the centrepiece of our APEC celebrations is a gigantic concrete and steel fence around the centre of Sydney, symbolising Australia’s open and welcoming attitude to those attempting to escape countries with more permanent and enthusiastic systems of keeping their people safe from such dangers as being able to move freely through their own cities or express political views.

But while the fence is ostensibly in place to keep the riffraff at a safe distance from their mostly democratically elected overlords, it’s also the jewel in the crown of John Howard’s climate change policy. While the latte-sipping tree-huggers who signed up to the Kyoto protocol vainly try to hold back the tide, John’s embraced global warming and is looking to the future.

Climate scientists have calculated that during APEC, the volume of hot air emitted on the topic of climate change will be sufficient to entirely melt the polar icecaps, causing the sea levels to rise dramatically. Fortunately, John will be busily gathering two of every different type of bureaucrat into the Opera House early in the week.

At around 2.8 metres high, the fence will keep out the flood and with the air conditioning cranked up to maximum and snacks available in the foyer, they will ride out the apocalypse in the manner of Noah and emerge triumphantly to create a perfect society based on the Australian Workplace Agreement.

The only hole in the plan is that the fence is made of steel lattice which may not prove to be as waterproof as hoped. Nonetheless, you can worry too much about the details when it comes to the environment and as long as it looks like you’re doing something, that’s generally considered good enough.

101 Uses For A John Howard #63


After a week where reports have surfaced of our soldiers’ dissatisfaction with their weapons it is worth while reflecting on where many of them have been sourced.

Kudelka once again hit the nail on the head. Well, he would have if the army issue hammer had not lost its head!

I love the smell of citrus in the morning, and one thing you can say about Australia is that it’s got some of the the freshest citrus-scented military hardware on the planet. Much has been made of the importance of our alliance with the United States and this is mainly due to the fact that with the lemons the US has sold us to defend ourselves with, the only invasion we’d have a chance against would be a small battalion of gin and tonics.

With Abrams tanks that get approximately 30cm to the gallon, Collins-class subs that you can’t run after 10pm due to council noise restrictions, naval Seasprite helicopters that don’t actually fly over water and Joint Strike Fighters apparently named after the substance the designers were abusing when they drew up the plans, the US have ruled out selling us the apparently airworthy F-22 Raptor on the grounds that we might accidentally cut ourselves.

…mind you, all of the above pale in comparison to the biggest lemon sold to Australia by an American president, but apparently there are no refunds on the Iraq invasion because little Johnny lost the receipt.

The Iapple Irack


This has been around for a while but it is worth watching again!

Strange World #2 – Drawing a Gun



OFFICIALS at an Arizona school have suspended a 13-year-old boy for sketching what looked like a gun, saying the action posed a threat to his classmates.

The boy’s parents said the drawing was a harmless doodle and school officials overreacted.

Administrators of Payne Junior High in nearby Chandler suspended the boy on Monday for five days but later reduced it to three days.

The boy’s father, Ben Mosteller, said that when he went to the school to discuss his son’s punishment, school officials mentioned the seriousness of the issue and talked about the 1999 massacre at Colorado’s Columbine High School, where two teenagers shot and killed 12 students, a teacher and themselves.

Mr Mosteller said he was offended by the reference.

Chandler district spokesman Terry Locke said the crude sketch was “absolutely considered a threat,” and that threatening words or pictures are punishable.

Ok, This is a stick-up. Ms Bankteller, I have a picture of a gun here! Hand over the money or I will draw a bullet!

Oh, Ok, Mr BankRobber. Here is a picture of some money.

No wonder there were people disapproving of this. Art is obviously stronger and more offensive than any action!

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