The Bloke in the Pub #5


Hey, How’re they hanging, Arch?John

Didja hear that Abbott guy I really dislike is not liked by many people at all. Yesterday I said he was as popular as a fart at a funeral and it seems a hundred thousand people agree with me. 97% reckon he is a liability.

Hang on, mate. The missus is on the dog and bone. Yeah? Oh. Well that’s a shame. I’ll save a couple of slices for you. Seeya.

Seems she has to head out tonight. One of her girlfriends has a bit of a problem. Shame she won’t be able to have any pizza.

Anyway, I cannot figure out this Barnett character. Here we are, big huge ginormous mineral boom. No money in the coffers as he keeps telling us yet he is building a billion dollar stadium, spending billions on light rail and now he is doing more billions on the Tonkin Highway out in Kewdale. Yeah, yeah, it may well be money he intends to rake in over the next few years but I keep being told by Hockey that the boom is over. So where will Barnett get all this cash? Or is it all election lies?

Another beer? Thanks, Arch. The pizza? Oh, I’m planning my halapeno and salami special.

The toad has come up with another blogpost which should only be read while chewing prozac. He really is a bastard who thinks women are incapable of any thought at all. He would take the vote away from them if he couldvindaloo. And he won’t let anyone comment unless they agree with him.

Hey, gotta run but have you seen that South Australia is cutting its power bills by 9%? Wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that most of their power is from wind farms. Cuts out the Carbon Price rise. Whyalla will survive. Amazing what a Labor Government can do. Oops. Not “Can do” I mean “is able to do”!

Gotta go. I have to add the vindaloo powder to the pizza base.

Catch you tomorrow. Unless you want to come over for some pizza?  Oh. Shame, that.

Johnny Depp Has Tummy Rumbles


Calculus


“Taking mathematics from the beginning of the world to the time of Newton, what he has done is much the better half.”
— Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, co-discoverer of calculus

“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.”
— Isaac Newton, the other discoverer of calculus

“If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.”
— Hal Abelson, MIT Professor

Many years ago I was advised by school career advisors that my mind was more set towards Science and Mathematics than towards Writing and Literature. So I gave up studying literature, took up reading Science Fiction and enrolled for several semesters of Calculus.

I can only say, The Calculus is evil, it is not of God. It is evil. And I washed out.
Perhaps that is what led me into a delightfully carefree wasted life of  debauchery and sin and pizzas.

So, from an old man, with a much regretted youth, a little of the advice for which old men are notorious for giving to young men.

Remind you all not to drink alcohol while doing calculus.

Do not do as I did.

One should not drink and derive.

The EWWWWW Factor Diet


Here at the Archive we are subject to a continual barrage of encouragement nagging to lose a few Kilos.

I do know I need to take 10 or 20 a few centimetres off the old waistline and I have adapted my diet in some small ways.

I invented the Pizza diet

I tried the Low GI diet, but all the GI’s I know are too tall.

I tried a modified Atkins diet. I have increased the percentage of protein without reducing the quantity of Carbs.

I have even tried the exercise thing. Lightly and with much recovery time and a few beers to avoid dehydration.

However, there are some lengths to which I will not go!

No, Nurse Myra, I will not be sending off for these!

tapeworms1.jpg

Julius Caesar


One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar (so, of course, this post is in Imperial Purple) turned his attention from his wood-fired olive, ham and mozzarella pizza and wondering what to do with some romaine lettuce, croutons, parmesan cheese, lemon juice, olive oil, Worcestershire sauce, an egg and some black pepper, to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry.

Getting all those white togas cleaned of the constant pizza stains was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor… not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin’s arrow.

He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga’s in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago… the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga’s out to dry.

He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch.

The goddess of nature, angered at the environmental destruction, caused a huge tidal wave to spring up and wash over the assembled workers. A stiff breeze afterwards dried them off so quickly they were all frozen into place.

After finishing his pizza and tossing his salad to the side, Caesar began to wonder about the progress of the enterprise, so he decided to visit the site with some of his advisors. Arriving at the tidal pool, he was unable to make heads or tails of the sight of his workers stuck standing there.

Until of course, one of his advisors whispered to him: . . .

“Beware, the tides of starch.”

Pizza Delivery in 2010


We all love our pizza here in the blogoswamp.

It isn’t really fast food but the Pizza Stores have found a way around that problem.

They deliver. Right to your door.

Last time I phoned for Dial-a-Pizza, in the box with the dots I dialed their number.

They told me my phone number. I was then told where the pizza would be delivered. My home address.

Now customers can order from some stores imply by going to their website. They are becoming fully computerised.

That is why I find this to be quite a worry. Believable, but a worry. Not only for Americans.

I had dialed up in a small country town in far-away Western Australia.

Food Pornography


What does a blogger do as the day begins to wind down and dinner time approaches?

When the mouth begins to water for the taste of something delicious?  The tummy begins to discretely rumble?

I found the answer very early in my blogging career.

I visit the Food Pornographer for food at its porniest. I admit to drooling and craving and illicit desires in the privacy of my own lap-top.

She photographs and describes food which she has taste-tested.  Not just high end restaurant delectables but take-away lunches, home cooking and anything else which is edible. I have even spotted offerings from the Golden Arches on her blog. Being a fellow Perth person, I recognise many of the places she  mentions in her reviews.

The only problem is that sometimes her blog takes a while to load because I am on dial-up.

Anyway, I’m off to commit some self-abuse, of a gastronomic nature, on her site. Then I shall probably create a cheese and parsley omelette for my dinner.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,195 other followers

%d bloggers like this: