Octomania


Australia has been fascinated by the antics of an octopus which has been keeping a New Zealand Aquarium on its toes.

Sid the Octopus managed to escape from its tank and go on the run for five days.

Next those vindictive aquarium keepers have decided to sentence Sid to death.

I am unsure if Pepsi signed Sid up for this TV commercial or if they took the easy route and used an untamed Cascadian Tree Octopi as the star.

Sunday Morning Live; Special Edition



The archive’s Sunday entertainment spot

Or Saturday Night Live if you live in the Western Hemisphere

Series three of Sunday Morning Live ended last week.

To fill the gap before Series Four begins next week, here is a special performance of the incredible Umbilical Brothers.

Nude Dude


What with Elections and Inaugurations and Terrible Puns the archive has been a little serious lately.

Time for a bit of fun.

A bit of obscene fun.

Find the Nude Dude at the beach.

nude-dude

Burgled from Phil

The Flowchart of Sex


Go on – click the image so you can read it.

Am I The Only One Offended?


The whole PC movement is way out of control.

Merely laughing at something is going to offend someone, somewhere, somehow.

So we are no longer allowed to laugh at others or their habits. We are not allowed to “typecast” persons or people or nations.

The downside is that no one is allowed to laugh at us. Or to “typecast” us or our habits or our nation.

No matter how seriously we take our foolish selves.

Somewhere today I will find a Polish/Irish/English/Scottish/American/Australian/NewZealand/blonde/redhead/man/woman/tall/short/hairy/bald/Baptist/Catholic/Atheist joke. And I will laugh at it. At the same time, someone will laugh at a joke about me and my habits.

Until then, try to laugh at this and offend no one.

Australia Nearly Sinks


Last night, un-noticed by most Australians, the continent was severely shaken by a massive upheaval as just over a million inhabitants of the sleepy City of the Churches finally realised there was more to life than freezing in the winter, losing AFL matches and drinking the worlds worst beer!

So, in the first concerted effort the Crow-eaters have ever successfully performed, they upped and moved Adelaide to the North Coast.

There is no news at this stage as to the fate of Darwin.

The BBC, as always, was first with the most accurate news of the event.

In breaking news, former Administrator of the Northern Territory, Ted Egan, has reportedly commented on the situation and, after removing the expletives, he said, ” !”

Current Administrator Tom Pauling was unavailable for comment although Bluey, from the Darwin City Council Parks and Gardens Department, was adamant that Adelaide was not going to take Darwin’s place as the capital City of the Territory.

He said, “If those bloody wankers from down south reckon they can move up here with their bloody failing footy teams and their bloody Southwark Cat’s Piss and just bloody take over, they have another bloody think coming!”

Bert, from the Darwin Dunnyman Brigade, threatened violence unless Bluey withdrew the “W” word. He said, “My bloody brother Mick and my bloody sister Sheila went to bloody Adelaide after bloody Cyclone Tracy back in 1974. They are not bloody wankers and if you call them that again I’ll bloody punch your lights out!”

The apprentice tree lopper, Sandy, pointed out that there are no wankers in Adelaide. She said,”It is a bloody posh place which is the home of the bloody previous Foreign Minister of Australia, bloody Shirley Downer, and they are not bloody wankers, they are all bloody masturbaters!”. As Sandy started her chainsaw, Bluey and Bert moved away.

[just what were the expletives deleted from Ted Egan's comment? Sub-Ed]

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is having a report on the night’s events prepared while opposition spokesman on city relocations, Tony Abbott, blasted the Government for condoning this pre-emptive city move. Opposition Leader, Brendan Nelson blasted Kevin Rudd for not having known about the proposed move and being out of touch with the average Australian, while the opposition spokesman for Blaming Howard’s Inflation on Labor, Malcom Turnbull, rubbed his hands together in glee as he told reporters that this was going to raise inflation again and it was all Kevin Rudd’s fault!

Meanwhile, there are growing rumours that a large section of Melbourne is about to be moved to the Gold Coast. “The only thing holding us back,” said Eddie McGuire, “Is how to ensure that only Collingwood and its supporters are moved.”

Anna Bligh has refused to comment at this stage.

In Britain, the BBC has been nominated for several awards for this amazing piece of reporting.

(Thanks for the tip-off, Mike. They changed it within the hour, so that was well caught.)

God on Sex


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