Quantum Quiz #1


Since the quizzes I post seem to be quite popular and my readership exhibits distressing signs of intelligence, despite their efforts to hide it, I have decided to try something quite ambitious.

A quiz on Quantum Mechanics.

I have been give nine questions by my non-blogging friend, Cybe. He who reads books on string theory for the entertainment value. I look at Britney Spears photos for educational purposes.

To avoid unnecessary brain explosions (and to make things last a little linger, I am going to ask three questions at a time. On Saturdays.

Answers will appear on Tuesdays (I hope)

I’m actually posting all three sets of questions today but I’ll be trying out WordPress’s rather neat “planned publishing” gizmo.

Here are the first three questions.

1. In quantum physics who was uncertain and about what was he uncertain?

2. Of what use is a cat? (will accept either of two answers)

3. There’s an identity crisis on the sub-atomic level. What can’t
decide upon what it actually is?

With thanks to the Cybe R. Wizard

I am having a quiet chuckle at the moment. My “Britney Spears: tag has meant that this post appears on all the Spears Splogs – just as well no one reads them or they would be most confused.

Beating the Paparazzi, Bigtime!


Perhaps a few of Hollywood’s paparazzi targets should take note of one of the Darwin Award nominees for last year.

Increased mining and recent rains in southeast India have unsettled the wildife. In the past few months, migrating elephants have killed eleven people in southeast India. A team of four journalists decided to interview this herd of rogue elephants.

And they went into the forest in search of the rogues — on foot.

Elephants are big, and elephants are fast. As the recent deaths illustrate, a person can’t out-run an elephant. But these intrepid journalists apparently assumed that a press pass grants immunity.

With a nose for news, the journalists sniffed out the herd. Once located, it was only natural that they should capture the photogenic animals on film. Unfortunately, the elephants were camera shy. Angered by the flash, the irritated herd charged the paparazzi, miraculously killing only one of the four.

Hey, Britney, Lindsay, Paris, Justin, even you, the oh-so-capable Hoff (if you are hassled), forget human bodyguards.

Get yourself an angry elephant!

Although, in hindsight, there may be drawbacks -

Rare Timberlake Disease Fatal?


Justin Timberlake, for those who don’t know, is an American pop and R&B singer, songwriter, record producer, dancer, and actor. He came to fame as the lead singer of pop boy band ‘N Sync and has won four Grammy Awards as well as an Emmy Award. In 2002, he released his debut solo album, Justified, which sold over seven million copies worldwide. Timberlake’s second solo release, FutureSex/LoveSounds, was released in 2006 with the U.S. number-one hit singles “SexyBack”, “My Love”, and “What Goes Around… Comes Around”. With his first two albums, Timberlake has sold over 15 million albums worldwide. For a decade his partner was the now troubled Britney Spears.(With grateful thanks to Wikipedia)

With all that success, there are rumours that his life may tragically be shortened by an unusual disease!

Back in 2005, Timberlake discovered that he was suffering from a throat condition. What his medical team referred to as “nodules” were subsequently removed from his throat.

But what if they were not the normal “nodules” we expect to find on the larynx?

What if they were cellulosiverous Isoptera?

Doctors have revealed that there is no need for general panic as the disease appears to be genetically confined to the Timberlake family and is, in general, unlikely to affect the majority of the population. Although there is a possibility that the no longer stick-like Spears could also be harbouring the infection.

Isoptera would totally infest the Timberlake body and all his internal cellulose could be being consumed by these small, white, parasitic little critters.

By termites!

Blonde Chick with a Nice Pussy


 After the huge non-success of A Pair of Naked Boobies back in January, I have no excuse for this effort.

The Devil must have made me do it!

That or a desire to garner even more hits from the seamier side of the Blogipelago.

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It comes from the days back when we thought a 175×158 image was quite large! It certainly took up close on half the monitor screen!

Old Joke, Oldest Joke


We have all laughed at the jokes about those poor people who suffer from delusions of being someone else.

Or a chicken.

“My brother thinks he’s a hen.”
“Why not take him to a doctor?”
“I would but we need the eggs!”

How about those unfortunates who believe they are someone famous.

Not the Brittney Spears or Paris Hiltons of this world, but the people who truly believe they are an historical figure from the past.

Which raises the question; “Who did crazy people in humorous stories think they were before they started thinking they were Napoleon?”

It has come to my attention that one of the earliest known Sumerian cuneiform inscriptions says:

“My uncle thinks he’s Hammurabi”.
“You should take him to see a priest.”
“I would, but we need the laws.”

Did You Know That . . .?


 Here are twenty little known facts which will help you win that next Trivial Pursuit night with your friends and relatives.

Women are twelve times more radioactive than men.

The Italian sculptor Michelangelo ran out of Burnt Ochre when he was painting the Cistene Chapel and resorted to using his own excrement as a substitute. He invented laxatives, the helicopter, and founded Lampeter University in 1822.

Originally Coca Cola was made out of coal dust and sugar.

Cilla Black was the original drummer with The Beatles. She left the band two weeks before they signed their first record deal.

The line of skin on the underside of a man’s scrotum is a species of small parasitic worm, Eunice viridis. These worms can also be found hunting for small prey among the coral reefs of the South Pacific.

People with large heads are ten times more likely to be mugged than people with slightly smaller heads.

Escapologist Harry Houdini (nee Eric Weiss) died in 1926 after challenging the then twelve-year-old fledgling body-builder, Arnold Schwarzenegger to thump him in the stomach.

Goldfish have excellent memories. This was proved in July 1992 when under controlled conditions a veiltail carp successfully recited Pi to 34,567 decimal places, beating an African elephant and an Atlantic sturgeon into second and third places respectively.

All builders are cannibals. They add excessive quantities of sugar to their beverages to reduce their craving for human flesh.

In his book Isthmus of the Gods, Erik Von Daniken convinced the world that the Panama Canal had been built by a superior alien race 10,000 years before the birth of Christ. His theory was exploded in 1976 when he confessed to having excavated the 51-mile waterway single-handedly during the summer of 1962. This revelation sparked the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1977, which disrupted celebrations for the Queen’s Silver Jubilee of the following year.

A pineapple is related to an armadillo. While armadillos are widespread in southern USA and South America, the pineapple has been less fortunate. It thrived on the island of Mauritius until the mid-17th century, when the large flightless fruit was quickly hunted to extinction by Dutch settlers. Armadillos are still eaten today as a tasty garnish to accompany gammon steaks.

More people are killed in accidents involving leaf beetles than any other species of insect.

At age eight, Britney Spears was the youngest person to be admitted to MENSA. In her early teens, while still at school, she won the Nobel Prize for Physics for her ground-breaking extension of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle. The following year, after winning the accolade for an unprecedented second time, with characteristic modesty is reported to have remarked, ‘Oops, I’ve done it again!’

Hampton Court palace was built by Cardinal Wolsey and given in the 1520s to Henry VIII, who made innovative alterations, including the Great Hall, the East Wing and the condom machine. The latter marked the beginning of the end of papal authority in England until the Act of Supremacy in 1534 established the king as supreme head of the English Church.

The Douglas fir gets its name from Douglas Bader, the World War II flying ace, who chose wood from this tree as his favoured prosthetic material of choice.

A Soviet attempt to sabotage the Apollo 11 moon landing in 1969 was thwarted just fifteen minutes before take off, when Buzz Aldrin discovered that all food onboard had been replaced by toothpaste.

The fieldmouse Apodemus sylvaticus is only 9cm long, but relative to its size is 60 times stronger than a male silver-backed gorilla. It can jump vertically over 400 metres. If it were the size of a small horse it could jump into the earth’s troposphere, causing havoc to international airline traffic.

When Frenchman Christopher Wren was appointed architect to St Paul’s Cathedral in 1668 he proposed an antirationalist design, with a decaying donkey hanging above the altar as its ironic centrepiece. However, the conservative taste of the British clergy prevailed and he was eventually obliged to combine classicism and baroque style in a more conventional cruciform plan to create the two-tiered portico, great dome and flanking towers that we know today. However, the organ case carved out of Camembert by Grinling Gibbons is a fitting tribute
to Wren’s visionary genius.

A Nude, Transexual, Pornographic LOLCthulhu


Despite the title, this post IS work and family friendly.

Reading the collected wisdom of Bill Blunt today has caused me to undertake a project upon which I have been cogitating for some time.

A form of self-publicity which my natural reticence has kept me from since I initiated this blog just on 12 months ago.

I will begin a (roughly) weekly summary of the most visited posts on my blog. This will be a chance for me to reflect on where my blog needs to aim in order to garner the highest possible number of readers. In the interests of grabbing a wider audience for my occasional serious, but poorly written, posts I need to study what my readership wishes to read. Nothing at all to do with my blog-gigolo ego!

For the first time for a long time, my top post for the week was not “Nude Gymnastics and Swimming” (Mar 2007). This is the post with the most visits ever on my blog. It still rates highest on most days. Around 15-20% of all visitors although this week it has dropped to around 10%.

Slipping down the list is “Britney Spears Bare Bits” (Dec, 2006) which, while still the second most visited post ever, has finally dropped off the top of the list and is now only drawing around 5% of visitors. The “Britney Rehab Doll” (Mar 2007) which gained the highest-ever daily total of all my offerings has almost dropped off the bottom of the list, now gaining less than 0.1% of visitors.

This week, one of the surprises has been my “LOLiphant“(May 2007) because of its mention in Miss Celania’s blog on elephants. That picked up an unexpected 15% on one day during the week.

Always in the top six, with around 8% of the readership is my report on the Thai Transsexual Beauty Quest (May 2007). There is no sign of this one losing its popularity.

Disappointingly, my serious posts on the lies and terrorism of our Australian Prime Minister have fallen rather flat. “John Howard, the Terrorist Prime Minister” (July 2007) gained around 7% on one day but then failed to rate again. I fear much of the readership of this post was from our laughable security group, ASIO. If this blog disappears some time soon, you may accept that it was, indeed, the guardians from free speech.

But the winners this week were a combination of “Quiz of the Day” (from November 2006) and “Cthulhu! Rising?” (July 2007). The quiz (about the Lovecraftian “Cthulhu Mythos”) topped the daily list on four occasions drawing up to 20% of the daily visitors, while Cthulhu Rising gained over 50% yesterday.

Putting this all together, I have come up with the following which, on the basis of my readership’s preferences, should gain at least 50% of the Blogoswamp’s attention.

The “Transsexual” and “Pornographic” interpretations are yours to make at will. He IS, however, quite nude!

LOLCthulhu

Other Cthulhu related posts on this blog may be found here, here, here, here, here, here,
here,
here and here.

Larry King, Paris Hilton


 After being kept from the public gaze of her adoring fans by an evil judge and the Laws of the Land, Paris Hilton has returned. Traumatised and completely repentant, Paris gave her first interview.

For a million dollars, we hear. Although some of that may be going to Charity.

Or Lindsay

Or Britney

In the interests of this archive’s attempts to keep up with the doings of celebrity, we present a part of the Larry King, Paris Hilton exclusive interview.

Blogoswamp Scandal


I had not realised raincoaster has moved to Seattle.

And has followed Britney into rehab. Maybe we will find a “raincoaster rehab doll” to match our friendly Britney Rehab Doll.

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Found over on the Back Nine.

Eight Women Who Look Better Bald Than Britney


Jess, of “Apropos of Something” has compiled the ultimate Britney list.

His choice of eight women who look better than Britney when bald.

His top choice is an Aussie, of course. Who could resist.

Kylie Minogue

Why she shaved her head: Sadly, Kylie was diagnosed with breast cancer in mid-2005. She debuted her close-cropped look a few months later following chemotherapy.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: Come on — just look at that picture to the right. Kylie is absolutely adorable! The good news is that she’s feeling healthy again and is back to performing around the world. Sorry, Brit — you never stood a chance against Australia’s favorite pop diva.

Bald-o-meter: 10/10

To see that “Picture on the right” and the rest, visit his blog. Be prepared to see some of my favourite ladies. Sinead, Sigourney and Demi. However he forgot Mira Furlan (Ambassador Delenn from Babylon 5).

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Britney Rehab Doll


This is my Blog-gigolo post for the day. Taking over from my ever popular Britney’s Bare Bits is this extremely tasteful and not-at-all exploitative Britney Rehab Doll.

Found, on your Ebay, the genooine article!

This Is The ONE and ONLY Rehab Britney Spears Doll

Dont be fooled by the immataters

It comes with its own box, hand crafted.

The doll has a shaved head and is true to life like Britney and she doesnt have panties on!!!!

Serious bids only!!

If you have any questions feel free and ask

Thanks

And, at the time of posting, it was going for $15.50!

Personally I prefer the Metro.co.uk version from late last month. This one (right) was going for $42.

As you can see, we are all safe from wild umbrella attacks as she is wearing a new season strait-jacket and has been supplied with really effective downers.

It seems she has been visited at the “Promises” rehabilitation center in Malibu by Kevin and the mostly neglected sprogs.

A day without Britney is like – - – a day with a life!

Britney Spears, Shaved


Never let it be said that the archive is slow off the mark with the important breaking news of the world. Forget Iraq, forget the troubled economies of the Western World. Even forget the problems of Italian Football.

Britney, BaldBritney Speers is justly famous for displaying her Bare Bits. Or should that be “infamous”?

Now, we here at the archive can now share, courtesy of the BBC, the shocking news that Britney has even more bald bits.

She has shaved. Again.

This time, her head.

Off to get tats of some “Cute little lips” on her wrist at her local tattoo parlour, Britney was spotted by both fans (who tipped them off?) and paparazzi (is nowhere sacred?). As she left the Tattoo parlour, apparently her minders made sure her head was covered.

This comes just after she checked herself into rehab in Antigua for a day. Possibly she thought it was a five star hotel and it took her that long to realise there was a reason for the bar fridge not stocking Jim Beam or Smirnoff.

As one fan commented after seeing the new, bare Britney look, “She certainly looks as though she is having soime issues at the moment.”

At least she will not be having a bad hair day for a while – - -

Well, that is the important news of the day.

Elsewhere, in the unimportant stuff that has happened in the world, Baghdad had more bombings, Obama was slandered by the Republicans, whales continued to be slaughtered by Japanese murderers and Geo W Bush slept the comfortable sleep of the criminally ignorant.

Poopsie Gizzardshorts


This was passed on to me by a son with little boys and littler to do! :)

He even has the nerve to think we should all laugh more!

The following in an excerpt from a children’s book, “Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants” by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names……

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = Poopsie b = lumpy c = buttercup
d = gadget e = crusty f = greasy
g= fluffy h = cheeseball i = chim-chim
j = stinky k = flunky l = boobie
m = pinky n = zippy o = goober
p = doofus q = slimy r = loopy
s= snotty t = tootie u = dorkey
v = squeezit w = oprah x = skipper
y = dinky z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple b = toilet c = giggle
d = burger e = girdle f = barf
g = lizard h = waffle i = cootie
j = monkey k = potty l = liver
m = banana n = rhino o = bubble
p = hamster q = toad r = gizzard
s = pizza t = gerbil u = chicken
v = pickle w = chuckle x = tofu
y = gorilla z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = head b = mouth c = face
d = nose e = tush f = breath
g = pants h = shorts i = lips
j = honker k = butt l = brain
m = tushie n = chunks o = hiney
p = biscuits q = toes r = buns
s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinkles
v = kisser w = squirt x = humperdinck
y = brains z = juice

Thus, for example, John Howard’s new name is Cheeseball Bubblehead while George W Bush is Goober Chickenshorts and North Korea’s Kim Jong-il will now, forever be known as Pinky Bubblepants! Would Britney be accepting of Chim-Chim Hampsterbuns? Or the late Anna Nicole Smith of Zippy Bananasniffer?

Travels to Coral Bay


I have been away from my computer for several days. For reasons I will not go into although the story would be a best seller, I am travelling south. Away from the desert and down the west coast of Australia.

I had to stop after a couple of days driving and a humungous thunderstorm. The rain drops were about an inch in diameter and, when I stopped because I couldn’t see the road, within five minutes there were five lightning strikes within a couple of hundred metres of me! That was scary and I kept telling myself I would not feel the one that hit me! I did not have to find out.

So I stopped the next day at the nearest available settlement. A small place called Coral Bay. I spent much of the day reading Terry Pratchett’s “Thud”. I also took a few snapshots.

This is my little blue tent beside my battered and nearly lightning struck Land Cruiser.

cb61.jpg

Anyway, this is why there is a campsite, and why the odd person drops in to visit. At the exorbitant cost of $25 per night for a powered camp-site!

cb9.jpg

There is a reef about a kilometre offshore which destroys the waves and gives the lagoon an almost glassy surface when there is no wind. As a wave crashes onto the reef, it fills the lagoon and at the shore all that is noticed is that the water’s edge moves in and out a few feet.

There are large, almost tame snapper (Pink Emperor) to hand feed, turtles and manta rays to visit, canoes and glass bottomed boats to view the underwater world. There are large coral “Bombes” which almost break the surface, populated with thousands of colourful reef fish (think “Finding Nemo”) and harmless reef sharks. What there isn’t are big nasty sharks, sea snakes or the legendary “Stingers”.

You can take tours outside the reef and, in season, swim with the world’s largest fish, the gentle giant, the Whale Shark which can reach 12-15 metres in length. The one I swam with four years ago was only 8 metres long.

Coral Bay is a small bit of heaven on Earth and has visitors from all over the world. Just today I have heard British, American, German, Dutch and Italian accents. I have seen Africans, Orientals and Caucasians wandering the beach. Further along the beach dress codes are quite relaxed. Why waste this beautiful sunshine by not getting an all-over tan? Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton would never visit. They would be simple also-rans in the beauty stakes on the beach at Coral Bay.

I will drag myself away from here tomorrow morning and continue my trip south. Then I may post some more pictures of the sights here.

Britney, Lohan, Paris and Gondii


At last science has found why Britney, Lohan and Paris are irresistible to men. Why they have wardrobe problems. Why their behaviour seems to be outrageous. Why their behaviour IS outrageous. And why men become drooling ninnies as they walk by.

They have become infected with parasitic Gondii. Probably from eating fresh meat. I’m not sure what effect it has on men. My attention wandered before I got to the last two paragraphs.

As reported in the Australian;

A COMMON parasite can increase a women’s attractiveness to the opposite sex but also make men more stupid, an Australian researcher says. About 40 per cent of the world’s population is infected with Toxoplasma gondii. Human infection generally occurs when people eat raw or undercooked meat that has cysts containing the parasite.”The effect of infection is different between men and women,” Sydney University of Technology infectious disease researcher Nicky Boulter writes in the latest Australasian Science magazine.

“Infected women tend to be more outgoing, friendly, more promiscuous, and are considered more attractive to men.

“On the other hand, infected men have lower IQs, achieve a lower level of education and have shorter attention spans. They are also more likely to break rules and take risks … and are deemed less attractive to women.

In short, it can make men behave like alley cats and women behave like sex kittens.”
AAP

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Vote #1 the archive for the Best New Blog and the Best Australian Blog

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